


Bitter Sweet Destiny

by Lady_une



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: F/M, GRi - Freeform, M/M, Nyongtory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_une/pseuds/Lady_une
Summary: He thought their love was eternal, that nothing would be able to break them apart. He put his trust and faith in the man he loved with all his heart. The one man he thought would never hurt him, did it in the most horrific way possible. How will he move on, having to see the man who broke his heart day in and day out. Having to see him smile and look at another the way he once did him. If had known this was his destiny all along, he would never had started on this path to begin with.





	1. Chapter 1

The cold diamond shaped tile in the hotel bathroom did little to help Seungri cool his overheated flesh. How did things come to this? How did he end up there laid out next to the toilet where he had just emptied what he had eaten and drank the previous night. The world was spinning out of control, not just because of the pounding hangover that he was currently experiencing but because everything seemed to have just gone to hell.

More pounding rang in Seungri’s ears, yet he wasn’t entirely sure if it was real or not. Turning onto his side he reached out to the tub that sat next to the toilet for support. His vision swam while his stomach churned, quickly moving to the toilet he made it in time, but the only thing that came up was yellow bile as he dry heaved until his stomach cramped up from all the pressure he was using.

More pounding filled his head as he slipped back to the floor into a fetal position. Closing his eyes in attempt to make the world stop spinning and for the pounding to go away he cringed and prayed for things to just stop. Seungri hated closing his eyes, every time he did memories would appear from the happier times. Times where they were happy and in love. Times where they thought they could take on the world and that nothing could tear them apart. Yet he was there, and Seungri was not. No longer was his hand holding Seungri’s. No longer was it Seungri in his arms. He didn’t look at Seungri with his sparkling eyes, he didn’t look at Seungri at all. Seungri wished he could hate him but he couldn’t, this was what his lover had wanted after all right? He wanted a family and to be happy out in the open. So all Seungri could do was let him go.

 

_** 1.5 years ago  
** _

 

Walking into apartment Seungri could hear the happy laughter from everyone inside. Holding onto the bag with his wrapped gift, Seungri took off his shoes and slipped on his panda slippers. Everyone was scattered around the apartment. Youngbae was in the kitchen plating up food, Daesung and Seunghyun were sitting on the couch chatting away about something. Seungri’s eyes scanned the apartment and landed on him, the man he had missed since he started his enlistment. He was sitting next to their glowing sister in law with his hand on her stomach. No doubt feeling the baby move around as a big smile appeared on his face. Seungri slowly walked over to him as if his heart was being pulled by a magnet.

“Jiyong-ah.” Seungri called out to him which caught him by surprise. He removed his hand from Hyorin’s stomach and sat up straighter. Setting the gift on the table Seungri bent down to hug Hyorin and compliment her on her glowing appearance before stepping back and bending down to kiss his love on the lips but he moved so quickly that Seungri’s lips met his cheek instead. Standing back up Seungri didn’t think too much about it, he must be feeling a bit shy with everyone around.

The night was spent with laughter and stories being shared. Sitting around the table they ate food that had Seungri’s mouthwatering, no doubt his hyung could successfully be a chef if he were to ever leave the entertainment business. Seungri slowly sipped on his wine as he took in the scene in front of him, his hyung’s who had missed all had smiles on their faces and the atmosphere the surrounded the room was euphoric. This is what he had missed, he had missed being around his family, yes he had friends in his unit but none of them were as close to him and his band mates.

When dinner was over Hyorin opened up her gifts and Youngbae helped with showing them all off. Daesung had gifted them a little mobile to hang over the crib, in place of animals and shapes, there danced around were the members Go Blings figures. Youngbae let out a laugh as he clapped Daesung on the back for his silly gift. Seunghyun had gifted the couple a set of baby books, apparently the eldest hyung had gone to his mother for help and she had suggested the books he had enjoyed as a little boy. Next was Jiyong, Seungri rolled his eye’s when Youngbae held up a little Chanel baby suit with matching baby slippers. Inside was also a cute frilly dress with daisy’s scattered around. Youngbae and his wife had decided to not find out the sex of the baby, they wanted to be surprised. The last gift to be opened was Seungri’s, inside was a soft set of pajamas with little panda faces on the feet. The pajamas had a hood that had cute little ears and on the back sat a soft little tail, Youngbae rolled his eyes but thanked him none the less. It was only fitting that the panda would gift something panda related after all.

At the end of the night everyone was saying their goodbyes and Jiyong had pulled Seungri to the side. Seungri was feeling a little upset that Jiyong hadn’t talked much to him all that night, when he thought on it Jiyong hadn’t even looked at him much either.

 

“Ri did you drive yourself here?” Jiyong asked as he looked anywhere but at Seungri.

“No my manager dropped me off.” Seungri wasn’t liking the feeling Jiyong was giving off. Something wasn’t’ right with him.

“I will drive you home.”

 

Jiyong didn’t give him a chance to decline as he turned on his heels and made his way to his car leaving Seungri to trail behind him. The car ride to Seungri’s apartment was spent in silence, the air around them was tense. Had Seungri done something to offend his lover? He thought back to the previous time they had talked, the conversation was short but he couldn’t recall them arguing or disagreeing about anything. Then again most of their conversations were short the past few months, Seungri had just figured Jiyong was busy preparing music like he usually was. All to soon Jiyong was pulling up to Seungri’s apartment and pulled off to the side. Seungri hesitated to open the door, he didn’t like the feeling he had.

 

“Would you like to come up for some coffee?”

“No thank you.”

“Oh..ok…did I do something wrong? You haven’t talked to me pretty much all night and when you did you would avoid eye contact with me. Hell every time I tried to get near you, you would up and move. What’s wrong?”

Jiyong let out a sigh, “Ri I just…you know times are changing right? We aren’t getting any younger, and things are expected of us.”

“Yes I know.” Seungri replied, his heart rate was beginning to pick up.

“Don’t get me wrong I love you Ri-ah, I have loved you for so long.”

“And I love you.”

“This is hard, please let me get this out.”

“What if I don’t want you to.” Seungri cut him off.

“You know I want kids, and with Youngbae starting a family I just feel like the clock is ticking. Everyone expects so much of us.”

“We can adopt, when I get out of the army and we come out we can go to adopt a baby from the states. We can have a family.”

“Please Ri, you know that won’t ever happen. Our relationship won’t ever be recongnized by anyone here. Our careers will be over and it won’t just be us who is affected, what about the others and the company and your company? There is so much pressure on us. It’s not fair to you either. You deserve to be happy and so do I.”

“I am happy, I am happy and in love with you!”

“But I want more! I want a family and I am tired of hiding! Our fans won’t ever be ok with us being together. They won’t accept a man loving another man.”

“Screw the fans! We only need to make each other happy!”

“Seungri stop! We need to end things here.”

“What?”

“I want us to end things, I want you to go back to the army and finish out your time. When you get out you can start over fresh and find a new person to love.”

“How can you say it so easily like that? How could you say such a thing! As if changing who is in your heart is as easy as changing your clothes.”

“Please, just don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“Ri…”

“Are. You. Seeing. Someone.” Seungri all but screamed out.

“Yes.”

 

Seungri felt all the air leave his body as if he had just been punched in the stomach. The man he had loved for so long, the man he was willing to go to war with his fans for had just admitted to seeing someone. How could he be so calm in all this, Seungri could feel the tears pricking at his eyes.

 

“I see, how long?” Seungri asked as he tried to keep his voice calm and to keep the tears at bay.

“For about six months.”

“So basically not that long after I went into the army. Were you waiting for me to enlist so you could go off and sow your royal oats?”

“Ri please don’t act like that.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do! The mighty G Dragon is finally going to get what he wants, but I wonder something. Are you even to able to get it up for her? Does your cock even enjoy a pussy?”

Jiyong turned his head quickly to look at Seungri, his eyes were finally looking at him and all he saw in them was fire. Gone was the sparkles that reminded Seungri of stars, gone was the love that he could feel with just one glance.

“Don’t talk like that! Don’t be so vulgar.”

“If I recall you use to love when I would get vulgar, you use to love the dirty things that rolled off my tongue. Kind of like how you use to love the things my tongue would do to you.”

“Lee Seunghyun STOP!” Jiyong yelled out.

A single tear escaped Seungri’s eye and he angrily wiped it away hoping Jiyong didn’t see it. With his hand on the door handle he only looked at his feet as he quietly whispered, “I hope you are happy” before opening the door and rushing into his apartment.

 

**_6 months ago_ **

 

The last year of Seungri’s enlistment was hell. The night that Jiyong had broken his heart he wanted nothing more than to drown his pain in a bottle but he couldn’t. Seungri went back to his unit and completed out his duty, the whole time he was in there he would see articles and hear about the interviews Jiyong was doing about his new girlfriend. All Seungri could do was hide away his pain, it was no secret to anyone close to the couple as to their sexual orientation because both of them were openly bi sexual to their close nit group and family. Seungri didn’t mind that Jiyong had found girls attractive because he was confident that the only one in Jiyong’s heart was himself. Now he felt stupid and hated how that confidence was misplaced.

The day he was discharged from the military he was met by his fans all screaming and holding up signs. Seungri smiled and waved at them before jumping into the all black SUV and being rushed off by his manager.

 

“Where would you like to go?” His manager had asked from the front seat, turning his head to look back at Seungri he raised an eyebrow waiting for his response. He noticed Seungri wasn’t acting the way he had expected him to. He had assumed the young man would be bubbly and wanting to go see his friends but when he looked back all he saw was a shell of the man Seungri use to be. “Ri-ah?”

“Oh sorry hyung, can you just drop me off at my apartment?”

“Are you sure? I know the guys are all at the studio right now and it’s been awhile since you saw them.”

“I’m tired, I just want to go home.”

“Ok.”

 

Seungri felt bad, he hadn’t seen any of the guys since the night Jiyong had broken his heart. He hadn’t called any of them or returned any of their letters or emails. He just couldn’t find it in himself to be the carefree Seungri that they had known, he was drained enough from his duties and keeping the facade up around the men in his unit. When they arrived at Seungri’s apartment he quietly thanked his manager before getting out of the vehicle and rushing up to his apartment.

Seungri once inside went right to the bathroom and stripped out of his clothes before turning the shower on as hot as he could get it. Once inside he let himself slip to the floor and allowed the last years built up emotions pour out of him. His body rocked with sobs as the tears mixed in with the water pouring down on top of him. All the pain he had held in, all the tears he had wanted to spill, he finally let them go. When the water had finally turned cold he reached up to the handle and turned the water off. His body ached from being in one position too long and he struggled a bit to stand. Grabbing his robe off the hook he put it over his cold body before walking out of the bathroom and to his room.

Going to his dresser he pulled on a pair of boxers and turned to the closet to get some pants. Walking into the closet he reached for some sweatpants but stopped just shy of the hanger. Next to the pants he was reaching for hung a pair of pants that belonged to Jiyong. Seungri closed his eyes and yanked the offending garment down and threw it to the floor. When he opened his eyes he felt the anger slowly bubble up. Putting on his pants roughly he stopped and looked around his closet. Mixed in with all of his clothes were clothing that belonged to Jiyong. Angry tears began to form, clenching his teeth he walked around the closet and pulled down every single article of clothing that had belonged to Jiyong. With a pile of clothes in his closet he still didn’t feel comfortable.

Seungri ran out of the closet and went back to his dresser ripping the drawers open and pushing the clothes around looking for anything that had belonged to Jiyong. A new pile slowly began to form on the floor of his bedroom. Near his bed on the night stand stood a picture of the couple, Seungri ran to it and threw it to the floor making the frame shatter. Seungri didn’t even feel the small shards of glass embedding themselves into his feet when he ran past it to the living room. The only thing he could feel was anger inside him and he wanted to purge that anger. Moving to the living room he continued his purge, grabbing every frame that held a picture of Jiyong he threw it down to the floor. When his floor was littered with broken picture frames Seungri felt like he could finally rest but he couldn’t find the strength to sleep in the bed he once shared with Jiyong, instead he went to the guest room and collapsed onto the bed.

Back in the studio the rest of the members were sitting around waiting for Seungri to arrive. On the coffee table sat a small cake that Daesung had bought to celebrate the maknae’s return. Checking his watch he noticed that it was getting really late and Seungri should have been there by now. Letting out a sigh he looked towards the rest of the members. Jiyong and Youngbae were playing around with a track that Youngbae had just recorded, meanwhile Seunghyun was messing around on his phone but every so often looking at the cake that sat uneaten. If Seungri didn’t come soon he didn’t think he could hold his elder back anymore from eating the sweet treat.

 

“Guys I don’t think Seungri is coming.” Seunghyun said catching Daesung’s attention.

“Why?” Youngbae asked turning in his chair.

“Some fans posted some videos of his release and that was hours ago.” Seunghyun turned his phone around to show the videos uploaded to social media.

 

Daesung took his phone out and sent a text to Seungri’s manager asking him where he was. The response was quick and said he had wanted to go home so that’s where he took him. Daesung stood and grabbed the keys to his car, he wanted to go check on the maknae. He thought it was weird that Seungri didn’t show and almost as concerning as him not contacting anyone since the party at Youngbae’s.

He knew that Jiyong had finally broken up with Seungri. When he came to everyone explaining he had met a girl Seunghyun threw a glass of water in his face and called him a cheating bastard before storming off. Daesung stood to run after the eldest but stopped at the door, turning towards Jiyong he angrily told him to break things off with Seungri before the maknae could find out about the girl. Things were tense for weeks between Jiyong, Seunghyun, and Daesung. Youngbae was always caught in the middle trying to be the go between man until he had finally had enough and told them that if they didn’t figure out their shit he wasn’t going to be coming to the studio anymore. Jiyong had apologized for acting the way he had but he asked for them to just be supportive of him. Daesung only could nod his head, while the eldest sat in his chair still very much pissed off and said he didn’t really have a choice to be supportive but that he wouldn’t be able to forgive Jiyong for what he was about to do to Seungri. Everyone had a soft spot for the maknae of the group, especially Seunghyun. He knew how Seungri had it rough when the band was first formed and how it was hard living in the shadows of the mighty G Dragon. But he was happy when the two had finally came together, anyone close to them could see the love they shared and the strong bond they had. When Youngbae asked Jiyong how Seungri took things, all he said was he took it ok but was understandably upset. No one had pushed for more information.

Daesung arrived at Seungri’s apartment and parked his car. Taking the elevator up he finally arrived at the panda’s door, listening for some noise he didn’t hear anything. He pushed the doorbell and waited but Seungri didn’t come. Entering in the code to the apartment he walked in and saw Seungri’s shoes at the door.

 

“Seungri?”

 

He called out into the dark apartment but heard no reply. Slipping on some guest slippers he slowly made his way into the apartment and flicked on a light. The light came on and Daesung blinked a few times from the harsh light. When his eyes finally adjusted he saw the destruction of the living room. Picture after picture was thrown onto the floor and broken shards of glass littered the ground. Daesung covered his mouth as he took in the sight before him, looking at the bloody footprints he followed the trail to the guest room. Opening the door he found Seungri laying on his side under the blankets sleeping. Daesung lifted the blankets and saw Seungri’s feet were bloody with glass jutting out from them.

Turning around he rushed into Seungri’s room to grab the first aid kit but stopped when he saw the floor was littered with clothes and more broken glass. Going into the closet he found more clothes on the ground and shook his head as he reached for the first aid kit and an extra towel. Returning to Seungri he pulled the blanket up and began the task of pulling the glass out and treating the wounds. Daesung was surprised that Seungri hadn’t flinched once nor woken the whole time he was working on his feet. With wounds properly treated and bandaged he pulled the blankets back down and walked out of the room. Pulling his phone from his pocket he called his hyung.

 

“Did you find the panda?” Seunghyun asked.

“Hyung, we have a problem. Can you get away and come to Seungri’s apartment?”

“On my way.”

 

Daesung looked back to the closed door of the guest room. His heart ached for Seungri, he had thought things might be uncomfortable but never had guessed they would be this bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Seunghyun arrived quickly leaving Daesung to wonder how many driving laws the man had broken to get there. Daesung was sitting at the kitchen table with a bag of broken glass at his feet, another bag full of Jiyong’s items, and the pictures laid out on the table. Seunghyun walked to the table pulling the opposite chair from Daesung out.

 

“What happened?”

“The place was a mess, I had thought that someone had broken in and trashed the place, god I wish that had been it. There was a trail of blood leading to the guest room and that’s where I found him. Hyung he had glass sticking out of his feet. What are we going to do?”

“Is he ok?”

“As far as I could tell the only wounds he had were on his feet and I already fixed it. But what are we going to do about him? We can’t let him go on like this, if he was feeling this way why didn’t he come to us?”

“I don’t know Dae, we will just have to wait to ask him that. But I have a feeling even if we do ask him he won’t tell us anything. You know Seungri doesn’t like to cause a problem, he is always trying to be the cheerful glue that holds us all together.”

“Well we can be the glue this time, I don’t want him to be hurting.”

“There is nothing we can do ourselves to take away the pain he is feeling right now. All we can do is be there for him. I can’t even imagine the pain he is going through right now. I could kill Jiyong for putting him through this.”

“Yes, well we can’t do that now can we.”

“No we cant.”

 

The two sat there in the silent apartment lost in their thoughts on how to help their maknae heal and overcome this pain. The two were no stranger to heart ache but never on the level that Seungri was dealing with. The two knew this was going to be an uphill battle but they were not going to give up on him, they wanted nothing but the best for Seungri.

Seungri rolled over on to his back and stared up at the ceiling. How long has it been since he was able to sleep in until his body was ready to be awake? The pressure behind his eyes and the pounding in his head made him want to go back to sleep. Reminders of what his reality was now. The growling of his stomach was also a reminder that he hadn’t eaten anything in who knows how long. Looking to the table he searched for his phone but didn’t see it. Throwing the blanket off his body he moved to sit up placing his feet onto the floor. A shot of pain registered causing him to wince, looking down at his feet he noticed they were bandaged? _Who did that?_ He thought to himself, quickly the idea that maybe Jiyong had come back had him jumping up from the bed and running out of the room and to the living room. On the couch instead of Jiyong he had found a sleeping Seunghyun sitting up with a sleeping Daesung resting his head in the elder’s lap. Tears pricked at his eyes as his hopes died in his heart, _of course he wouldn’t be here_. Turning to go back to the bedroom he stopped and yelped out in pain waking the two sleeping men.

 

“Seungri?” A sleepy Seunghyun called out.

“Ah sorry to wake you guys, what are you even doing here?” Seungri put his hand behind his head rubbing his neck.

“We were worried about you, you didn’t show up at the studio.” Daesung said sitting up on the couch.

“Yeah sorry about that I was really tired.”

“It’s ok, we get that. We were all super tired when we got out. How are you doing?” Daesung said trying to give a warm smile to the down looking Seungri.

“I’m fine.”

“Seungri, you know that you can always come to us for anything. You don’t need to go through this alone.” Seunghyun motioned between himself and Daesung making sure that Seungri got the point.

“I know hyung, I really appreciate it but I’m fine really.”

 

Daesung looked at Seungri, the man looked like he was ready to burst into tears. Looking towards Seunghyun he bit his lip, he didn’t know how to broach the topic of what he found last night. The elder grabbed his hand giving it a squeeze letting him know he would handle it.

 

“Seungri, your apartment was kind of a mess last night. Plus you injured your feet, I wouldn’t really call that as being fine.”

“Hyung I know, I was kind of childish last night. Don’t worry though, I got it all out of my system and I will be fine. I won’t cause any problems.”

“Seungri, don’t hold stuff in its not healthy. If you want to scream or curse him to the ends of the earth then do it.”

“Hyung, I won’t do that. I am a grown man, I can’t be acting like a kid anymore.”

 

Seungri looked up at Seunghyun and gave him a smile, but the smile didn’t match his eyes. Standing from the couch Seunghyun reached Seungri in two large strides taking the broken man in his arms. That was all it took for Seungri to lose his composure. Grasping onto the back of Seunghyun shirt with his fists he let the damn of emotions break. He sobbed into his elder’s chest, heavy large cries filled the once silent living room. Daesung sat there watching the two embrace with his own tears flowing from his eyes. He had only ever seen Seungri cry twice since he had known him and that was when they had first started.

 

“Why did he do it? Was I not good enough for him? I would have done anything for him. Why doesn’t he love me the way I love him?” Seungri cried out between his sobs.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that you are too good for him. Jiyong is a fool to throw your love away. He is the one who is not good enough for you! You deserve the world and more, you deserve someone who will love you unconditionally and will fight for your love. You don’t need a coward who will run when things aren’t going his way. I know there is nothing I can do to take this pain away, all I can do is be here for you. Some day and it might not be any time soon this pain will lessen and you will find love again.”

“I don’t think I ever want to love again.”

“You say that now but some day you will. Don’t rush yourself, work through these emotions and one day you will want to. Just know that we are always here for you.”

 

Seunghyun rubbed Seungri’s back trying to calm the man down as he continued to sob into his chest. Daesung stood from where he was on the couch and moved to the embracing men and hugged Seungri from behind. He needed to make sure that Seungri knew that what Seunghyun had said was true, him and Seunghyun would always be there for Seungri no matter what.

Seungri was sitting on his bed while Daesung sat on the floor changing the bandages on his feet. Seungri felt stupid for not having realized that he was injuring himself the night prior, but the only thing he could register was that blinding anger he felt. Just as Daesung was applying the last bandage to his wound Seunghyun walked in with a tray holding three glasses and some fruit. Setting the tray on the bed he handed a glass to both Seungri and Daesung before taking his own and leaning up against the dresser for support.

 

“So what would you like to do today?” Seunghyun asked as he sipped on his coffee.

“I don’t know, I am sure I should probably get back to work. Besides there is probably lots of stuff to do for the comeback right?”

“Yeah, I mean we have lots of tracks down but we are missing an important vocalist in them. But I am sure if we ask we can delay it another day so you can have time to rest.”

“No I should get back to work, I don’t want to be the reason our comeback is anymore delayed then it is right now.”

 

Daesung looked up at Seungri as he drank his coffee, the trademark dark circles were prominent under his puffy red eyes. He wished that he could take away all this pain for him, he wished he could hide him away from the world until he was ready, but in true Seungri form he has to face things head on to make sure he wasn’t a burden to the band. The three of them finished their coffees and ate their fruit before the two elders headed out to change their clothes and meet at the Studio. On their way out Seunghyun made sure to grab the bag of clothes that belonged to Jiyong while Daesung grabbed the bag of glass and the pictures off the table.

On his way home Seunghyun made sure to make a little detour before heading home. Pulling up to Jiyong’s apartment he grabbed the bag and headed up. Jiyong answered the door with a tired look on his face before moving aside to let his elder in.

 

“What brings you here, why are you in the same clothes as yesterday?” Jiyong asked before letting out a long yawn. Jiyong didn’t even notice the bag of clothes Seunghyun was holding until he threw it at Jiyong.

“These belong to you!” He growled out.

“What?” Jiyong asked as the bag fell to the floor.

“Listen to me good Kwon because I am only going to say this once. If you do anything to hurt Seungri, anything more than what you have already done I will kill you with my own two hands. If you step one perfectly pedicured toe out of line I will make sure that you won’t make it to your next birthday. If you so much as breath or look at Seungri wrong I will snap you.”

“What are you even going on about?”

“You fucking broke that man! I have never seen him that way before, the clothes in the bag are from his apartment. The only time you are even permitted to talk to him is about work. Don’t flaunt that little homewrecker in front of him either until he has healed from the pain you have caused. I don’t care if I have to go to jail I will end you!”

 

Seunghyun didn’t even give Jiyong a chance to respond to his threats before he turned and walked out the door. Jiyong could only look at the bag of clothes on the floor that had spilled out and back to the door. Jiyong just shook his head, if Seunghyun wanted to act like the panda’s protector then so be it. Pushing the bag to the side with his foot he went back to getting ready for the day. He had a full day instore with music and a dinner date with his girlfriend.

Seungri arrived at the studio and found Jiyong huddled over the computer with Youngbae next to him. Daesung was sitting on the couch reading something on his phone, scanning the room he noticed the eldest had yet to show up. Daesung looked up from his phone and smiled.

 

“Seungri!” He called out catching the attention of the two other men in the room.

 

Youngbae turned around and smiled before moving to hug the panda. “Welcome back bro!” Youngbae playfully said as he patted Seungri on the back making Seungri chuckle a bit.

“It’s good to be back.” Seungri responded as he returned the hug.

 

Youngbae moved back and took in the panda, he filled out while he was away, the man was more muscular now but his body still looked the same. The other thing he noticed was the sad expression that Seungri held in his eyes, but he chose not to mention it.

Seungri chanced a glance in Jiyong’s direction, the man had turned in his chair to look at him. He held no expression on his face, he just looked at him like he would a stranger. That hurt Seungri the most, were they strangers now? Is that what they had come too? Not wanting to make things awkward in the room he decided he would speak first.

 

“Hello Jiyong.”

“Seungri.” The man he had loved responded, his voice was void of any emotion. “We have lots of work to do to get this album out so we should get back to work.” He added before turning around and going back to work.

 

The atmosphere in the room was tense, things use to be playful when they worked on their music but that wasn’t the case anymore. Seunghyun had arrived a bit late causing Jiyong to snap in annoyance before Seunghyun glared at him. Jiyong had played everything they had recorded so far before emailing Seungri his lyrics for the songs. The custom ringtone rang out in the room, the lyrics for “Crayon” sounded loudly before Seungri grabbed his phone to silence it. He looked down at his phone with sadness, he was going to need to change things in his phone.

The rest of the day was spent going over music and getting Seungri in the recording booth to try out his part of the song they were working on. Things were going smoothly and he was able to keep his emotions in check as long as he didn’t pay attention to Jiyong. The other three members did their best to keep the two apart and to keep them from interacting. Daesung was extremely worried about how Seungri was going to react being so close to Jiyong. He also didn’t miss the death glares that Seunghyun was sending Jiyong every time Jiyong would open his mouth. It was obvious that Seunghyun had some words with Jiyong because the tension between the two was thick. The hour was getting late and everyone was starting to yawn. It had been so long since the five of them had been together this late into the night. He was starting to wonder who was going to fall first. Seungri looked emotionally drained, Seunghyun looked tired and stiff, Youngbae kept glancing at his phone, and Jiyong was too busy with his mind on music. It was the sound of Youngbae’s phone going off that caught his attention.

 

“My love.” Youngbae yawned into the phone before listening to whatever his wife was saying. “Alright I will be there soon.” He added before hanging up his phone and turning towards the group. “I’m heading out first, the little man is causing trouble for his mamma so I need to go relieve her.”

 

The group waived at him as he grabbed his bag and walked out the door. Seunghyun leaned his head back on the couch he was sitting in before letting out a big yawn and stretching as best as he could. The next phone that went off was Jiyong’s, the custom ringtone was well known to the members except Seungri.

 

“Jagi, I know I know I’m late. I will be there in a bit.” Jiyong was silent and then added, “I know and I am sorry. Alright alright, I love you too.” Jiyong stood from his chair and grabbed his bag before waiving to the men and left the studio.

 

Daesung and Seunghyun looked at Seungri who was fiddling with his phone. Seunghyun was ready to get up and go make good on his threat but held back knowing he was needed here more. The two waited in silence before Seungri finally spoke up.

 

“So I guess it is really over. He loves her. I am going to head out then I guess. I will see you guys tomorrow.”

 

Seungri stood from his chair and made his way to the door but stopped when Daesung called out, “Seungri if you want how about you come stay with me or hyung. Or how about we have a sleepover at hyung’s apartment. We haven’t had one of those in ages!”

 

“I will be ok I promise, I won’t do anything foolish anymore I promise.” Seungri turned and smiled hoping to reassure his hyungs that he was telling the truth.

 

Daesung nodded his head and watched Seungri walk out of the room. Seunghyun got up and went over to Daesung and sat next to him. Grabbing his hand he gave him a squeeze. “Don’t worry Dae, he has to work this out on his own. We can’t keep him from working through this.”

“I know hyung but I don’t want him to be alone.”

“We can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to, we also can’t invade his privacy. Let’s head out it’s getting late.”

“Ok hyung.”

“You know we can still have the sleepover at my house.”

 

Seunghyun smiled and Daesung rolled his eyes before laughing, Seunghyun ever the flirt was always trying to make Daesung and the rest of the guys smile. It wasn’t his fault that Daesung always fell victim to his charm.

Seungri walked into his apartment and didn’t bother turning the light on. Instead he went into the guestroom and stripped off his clothes before climbing under the covers. Grabbing the pillow next to him he brought it close to him and buried his face into it letting it drown out his sobs. Things were truly over for the two, the man he loved no longer had him in his heart.

The next morning Seungri arrived at the studio and was summoned to Yang Hyun-suk’s office. Walking into the office he sat down and waited to hear what his summons was about. Yang Hyun-suk got up from behind his desk and sat across from Seungri.

 

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, excited to be back to work.”

“That’s good. I wanted to double check to make sure things were ok within the band.”

“Things are good, the guys were very welcoming of me coming back and we got right to work.”

“Good good. Just know if you need anything you can come to me.”

“I know, was there anything else.”

“No unless you can think of something.”

 

Seungri shook his head and was dismissed. Walking through the hallways Seungri ran into members of the other groups who all bowed and welcomed him back to work. Jennie came up to him giving him a tight hug before telling him if he ever wanted to come hang out with the girls he was more then welcomed to. Mino also stopped him in the hallway to tell him if he ever wanted to go out to give him a call and he will show him some new clubs that had opened up. Seungri kept the offer in the back of his mind, he knew now was not the time to be partying but once things were on the way it would be fun to be able to go out.

Once in the studio all five members got right to work. The music was flowing and things seemed to be better today than they were the other day. Everyone was laughing and cracking jokes, Seunghyun was even smiling and not glaring so much at Jiyong. At lunch time Jiyong stood up and said he was going to grab food for everyone and began taking everyone’s requests but skipped Seungri before heading towards the door.

 

“Hyung you forgot to take my request.”

“Why should I?”

“Oh, I’m sorry I will go get my own.” Seungri quietly said before standing.

“Why would you? Do you not like kimchi stew from across the street anymore.”

“No I do.”

“Ok then, I will be right back.”

 

Seungri sat back down, he didn’t know how to feel or act in this situation. He was so confused, on one hand he was happy to know that Jiyong still remembered his favorite dish but on the other hand he was just being a good leader so of course he would remember. Jiyong came back with his arms weighed down by food before Seungri jumped up to grab them and started laying everything out on the table. The group sat around eating their lunches and sharing stories. Seungri got to hear for the first time how Youngbae was handling being a new father to his son. It made him smile, he was happy for him that he was living the most of his life. Not too long ago Seungri was thinking he would be able to do that when he got out of the army but that just wasn’t in the stars for him anymore. Holding back the emotions that were racing to the forefront he shoved another spoonful of stew and rice into his mouth. He chewed and tried to swallow before he started to choke on the large portion. The other four members eyes were on him instantly, Jiyong who was sitting to the right of Seungri had moved a smidge before sitting back down. Seunghyun who was on the other side noticed and glared at Jiyong before grabbing a bottle of water and opening it for Seungri.

 

“Chew your food properly Seungri, we don’t need you dying on us.” Seunghyun scolded him as he patted him on the back.

 

Seungri swallowed the water from the water bottle before taking some deep breaths. His face had turned a bright shade of red due to his embarrassment from choking on his food and because of the choking.

 

“Sorry hyung, and thanks.”

 

The rest of the lunch time was spent without any more choking incidents. After lunch the group got back to work and had half of the songs completed with lyrics by the end of the night. Seungri’s voice was strained, all the crying he had been doing the past few days were not making things easy on him. Jiyong had stopped him a few times to yell at him about his vocal pitch before making him start over. Seungri felt like he was right at the beginning again, he wasn’t preforming on the level that the almighty G-dragon had expected him too. Jiyong had finally called it a night after snapping yet again on Seungri for his voice sounding strained. Seunghyun had wanted to pounce on Jiyong, of course his voice was strained form everything he had been going through but Youngbae just shook his head telling the elder to let things be. Jiyong and Seungri needed to find their place in the group again.

Everyone was walking out to the parking lot tired after a long day in the studio. Jiyong and Youngbae were walking in front of the other three talking when a honking car came pulling up beside them. Out of the driver side came a young woman, she was short in stature, long auburn hair and a very feminine looking face. She wore designer black pants and had a light pink sweater on, her face was perfectly painted on and diamonds hung from her ears. Seungri watched as she walked over to the two men and hugged Youngbae before moving to Jiyong to kiss him. Seungri felt his heart fall right to his feet, this was the woman who had replaced him in Jiyong’s heart. She was the one who was going to give him everything that Seungri couldn’t. Seunghyun clenched his fist at the sight in front of him, how could this be happening right now! Daesung looked at Seungri and saw the color was draining from his face, he needed to get him out of there soon. Grabbing onto Seungri’s hand Daesung began to lead him away from the romantic scene.

 

“Oh it’s Seungri!”

 

The woman’s sickly-sweet voice called out, the sound of her voice probably was sweet and angelic to any man but to Seungri she sounded like a banshee. She pulled away from Jiyong and began making her way towards Seungri before she stopped right in front of him. She bowed before raising her hand to greet him.

 

“Hello, my name is Soo-min.”

 

Seungri knew he needed to greet her, he couldn’t be rude with everyone watching him. Raising his hand he shook hers and hoped the smile he was trying to convey looked friendly.

 

“It’s so nice to meet you, I have heard so many great things about you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

“I would love it if we could all get together for dinner sometime. I would love to get to know you more.”

“I don’t know, we are really busy.”

“Well once things slow down.”

“Ah sure.”

“Excellent.”

 

The woman turned towards Jiyong before smiling and walking back to him. Seungri watched as she intertwined her fingers with Jiyong’s and leaned her head on his shoulder. Seungri had had enough and quickly made his way to his car before tearing out of the parking lot like a mad man.

When he arrived, he grabbed the bottle only bottle of liquor he had in the house, a bottle of wine he was saving for a special occasion. How ironic was it that he had wanted to drink this with Jiyong when he got out but now he was drinking it alone because of Jiyong. With the bottle empty he threw it in the sink making it smash into little pieces. The sadness had settled into his body and in his drunken state he couldn’t fight it off. Walking into the guest room he fell onto the bed grabbing the same pillow from the night before he sobbed into it yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my story so far and to those of you who left some comments on the first chapter. Seeing the feedback come in for that chapter really motivated me to get this chapter out as soon as I could. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and I am going to try my best to get the next one out soon.


	3. Chapter 3

The past couple of months since Seungri came home from the army were complete hell. He did his best to not let anyone catch on to his suffering but Seunghyun and Daesung could see it behind his fake smiles. They saw the way he always looked the other direction when Jiyong was with his girlfriend, the way he would leave the room when they would get too close for comfort. Seungri always found a way to dodge the many invites sent to him for dinner, he didn’t want to get to know the woman who had replaced him. He tried not to hold her responsible, he tried to like her he really did but he just couldn’t find it in his heart to be ok with how things were.

With the comeback set to release in a month the group was in full promotional swing, they were scheduled to appear on different variety shows and they were gearing up to record some music videos. The maknae was currently sitting in the back of the van on his phone typing out his feelings, the many nights of searching ways to get over an ex had turned him onto a discussion board where he read that if he wrote the feelings out it would be a way to purge said feelings. So, he had taken up to writing them out on his phone, sometimes the words would flow right out of him and sometimes they didn’t. The words didn’t always make sense, there were days where they were pure gibberish and other days they were almost like lyrics. The lyrics to the song of his heart, all the pain and anger was there and if he were to find the right beat they would be an amazing song.

The schedule for the day had them spending the whole day with the cast of Running Man, it had been such a long time since they were all together on a show. Yoo Jae-Suk announced them as the special guest and then came the standard questions about how excited they were for their comeback, they asked Seungri how things were for him in the Army, they asked Youngbae how life as a dad was treating him, and finally they asked the question on everyone’s mind, was Jiyong going to marry his current girlfriend. Seungri knew this question was going to come up and he did his best to not let them see how the question affected him but deep down inside he feared the answer. At night he would stay up tossing and turning in the guest room thinking about how that day was going to come. How he would handle it, some nights he imagined Jiyong coming to his senses and begging for Seungri to forgive him. Then other nights he would imagine Jiyong living happily with his wife and children, those were the nights he cried the most.

The episode today called for the cast to be split in teams, they had team lion being led by Jong-kook and team moth being led by Kwang-soo. The two cast members took turns picking members for their teams out of the remaining cast and the Bigbang members. By the end of the picking it was Seungri being on the same team as Seunghyun and Jiyong. The game was like capture the flag but with name tag ripping. Everything was going great until it came down to Jong-kook protecting their flag, and Jiyong and Seungri waiting in the dark for a member of the opposing team to make a move.

The two were huddled under a desk in a dark room with a perfect view of Jong-kook, both were breathing heavily and Seungri’s senses were on fire being so close to Jiyong. The scent of his body wash filled his nostrils, he was still using the same one he had bought for him years ago. His heart ached, his fingers twitched to just hold Jiyong’s hand. Shutting his eyes, he tried to take some calming breaths and to gain control of himself. It was of no use, he hadn’t felt Jiyong in so long that without him knowing it his finger had moved as if it had a mind of it’s own. It slowly brushed up against Jiyong’s soft skin causing the leader to damn near jump out of his skin. Seungri quickly moved his hand away and apologized, thankful for the lack of lighting because he was sure his cheeks were tinted a red shade.

Jiyong was embarrassed by the way he reacted, he just wasn’t expecting the maknae to do anything. Jiyong looked at the corner of his eye to watch the maknae move his hand as if it had caught fire from touching Jiyong. When in fact it was Jiyong who felt like he was on fire from the contact. _When was the last time I had even touched him?_ Jiyong thought, the last time he saw him prior to his release was the night he broke up with him. The kiss on the cheek was the only contact he had with the maknae, he was a mess of emotions that night. Outside of that the last time he had touched Seungri was the day before he enlisted. The two had spent the whole day locked up in Seungri’s apartment. They laid on the couch watching their favorite movies. They took a long hot bubble bath together and shared a glass of wine. That night they made love until neither of them could move from their spots on the bed. For a brief moment Jiyong allowed himself to enjoy the closeness of Seungri’s presence, the maknae was doing everything in his power to never be alone or near Jiyong. Jiyong understood why, it was easier for him to stay away and it was better for Seungri to stay away. Jiyong’s heart didn’t ache like it did now to hold Seungri when he wasn’t near him. But Jiyong couldn’t do it, he was with Soo-min now and couldn’t do that to her. He had come this far and needed to stick to his decision, in time things won’t be this hard. That’s all they needed, enough time and things will go back to the way they were.

A commotion from the hallway brought both of the members attention back to the game. Jong-kook was currently trying to hold off Kwang-soo and Haha who were both trying to reach for his name tag and the flag. Springing to action Jiyong and Seungri rushed at the two opposing members and began to fight for name tags. Jiyong was laughing and it mixed in with Seungri’s laughs. The two members had succeeded in ripping off Haha’s name tag but were struggling to get Kwang-soo’s name tag. The tallest cast member was rolling on the floor with Seungri laughing and their bodies were a in a tangled mess on the ground. Seungri could feel Kwang-soo’s hand snaking its way up his shirt trying to grasp onto the name tag.

 

“Hyung help me! Save me!” Seungri called out to Jiyong who was standing there watching the two roll around.

 

Jiyong hearing his maknae’s plead for help he jumped in and grabbed onto the hand that almost had Seungri’s name tag. Kwang-soo yelled out for help but had no one left from his team to aid him. With Jiyong holding onto Kwang-soo’s hand Seungri was able to easily rip off his name tag ending the game and earing team lion the win.

Getting to his feet Seungri didn’t even think before jumping into Jiyong’s arms and Jiyong held him close as the two hopped around laughing. When Jiyong realized what he was doing he pulled away slowly while still laughing to not let on the awkwardness of the interaction. Seungri who was very much enjoying being in the arms of the man he loved felt another blow to his heart.

As the cast and production crew got ready for the closing scene Seungri reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He had received a message earlier in the game but was unable to answer it. Opening it up he saw that it was from Mino and he was wondering if Seungri wanted to go out for some drinks later. Drinks sounded better than going home and crying into his pillow again, plus it would maybe help him get over the pain he was filling from today. Being this close and having so many interactions with Jiyong was taking a toll on him emotionally. Send a quick response to Mino he let him know he was just finishing up with the running man cast and where they were shooting. Mino’s response was even quicker, letting Seungri know he was in the area and could easily pick him up.

Sitting in the dressing room the members began to change back into their clothes they wore to the recording. Everyone was in good spirits and tired, Daesung was laughing about something Kwang-soo had done earlier in the day and Seunghyun couldn’t help but get caught up in the laughter. Seungri smiled as he listened to the story and turned back to the counter for his phone. As he reached down he caught Jiyong staring at him but Jiyong quickly diverted his gaze.

It had been awhile since he had seen a smile like that on Seungri’s face, it was a smile he had missed. The smile of Seungri being content with how things were at the moment, a smile he often had when the whole group was together and able to be themselves. He couldn’t help but be captivated by the smile, Seungri the was the sun that drew Jiyong in after all. Soon enough the manager came in and asked if everyone was ready to head off and they all nodded. The van pulled up and Youngbae hopped in followed by Daesung and then Seunghyun. Jiyong looked back to Seungri and was about to ask him what he was waiting for when a black sports car pulled up. The bright lights flashed and Jiyong saw Seungri smile before walking towards it.

 

“Seungri!” Jiyong called out, “Where are you going? The van is right here.”

“I have another ride.” Seungri pointed to the dark mysterious car.

“You just got out, we don’t need any scandals right now! Especially with the comeback set to be released! Can’t you just stay out of trouble for once! I don’t have the energy to be cleaning up your messes!” Jiyong was pissed, what made Seungri think he had the luxury to go out making a mess.

 

Suddenly the driver side car door opened and out stepped a figure, with the way the lights were shining in Jiyong’s eye he wasn’t able to make out who the figure was until it stepped in front of the light.

 

“Ri-ah are you coming?” Mino called out to Seungri. There stood dressed to the nine’s was none other the Song Mino, the man had his hair slicked back and wore an all black ensemble with his shirt unbuttoned at the top to reveal some of his chest.

_What did he call him?_ Jiyong asked himself as he glared at the man.

 

“Yes, I am!” Seungri responded before turning back to the glaring Jiyong, “Don’t worry about me hyung, I can take care of myself. Plus my messes are in fact now just my messes, you don’t have to worry about cleaning up after me. You dissolved that responsibility the night of Youngbae’s baby shower.”

“Seungri!” Jiyong shouted and moved towards the maknae to stop him from leaving.

 

A firm hand gripped on Jiyong’s shoulder stopping him in his place. Looking behind him ready to rip the limb from whoever decided to be stupid trying to stop him, he noticed it was in fact the eldest member. Seunghyun dug his fingers into Jiyong’s shoulder and glared at him before turning his attention to the younger men.

 

“Mino-ya, make sure you have our Seungri home at a decent hour. We have an early morning music video shoot tomorrow!”

“I will hyung!” Mino smiled up at Seunghyun before walking to the passenger door and opening it. “Your chariot awaits sweet prince.”

 

Seungri covered his face with his hands and laughed before walking to the car and getting in. Seunghyun didn’t let Jiyong go until Mino had driven off with the beloved maknae.

 

“What the fuck was that hyung!”

“I could ask you the same thing Jiyong! You have no right to be telling Seungri where he is allowed to go!”

“The hell I don’t!”

“You don’t! you lost that right when you broke that poor man’s heart! You continued to lose that right the more you flaunt your relationship in front of him!”

“I am still the leader!”

“That you are, but even the leader doesn’t get to control a grown man’s every move. You lost this one, it’s time for you to reap what you sowed.”

 

Seunghyun turned towards the van and climbed in leaving an angry Jiyong to watch as the tail lights of Mino’s car disappeared around the corner.

That night as Jiyong laid in bed next to his girlfriend he couldn’t shut off his mind, he tossed and turned thinking about Seungri and Mino. When did they become so close, close enough for Mino to come and pick up Seungri. For them to be joking around the way they were. Turning to the side he pulled his blankets up and clutched them close crossing his arms, _just what were they doing right now? Where did Mino take Seungri?_ All the tossing and turning had woken up Soo-min, turning to her side she tossed her arm over Jiyong.

 

“Oppa? What’s wrong?” She asked in her tired voice dragging Jiyong from his racing thoughts.

“Nothing, just work. I’m sorry I woke you.” Jiyong turned around and pulled her close so her head would rest on her in his chest. Closing his eyes he pushed all thoughts of Seungri out of his mind and concentrated on the woman in his arms and his need for sleep.

The next morning Jiyong arrived on set and looked around, Youngbae was sitting in a chair chugging the coffee in his glass no doubt needing it after a long night recording and then going home to his son. Daesung was stretched out with his head in the lap of the eldest member, he had his arm thrown over his face covering his eyes from the bright lights. Seunghyun had his sunglasses on and his head propped up on his arm that was resting on the arm of the chair. Carrying his coffee and he walked around looking everywhere for Seungri, yet he was nowhere to be found. Sitting down next to Youngbae he turned to the tired dad.

 

“Where is the maknae?”

“Not sure, he hasn’t come yet.”

“I see.”

“Why don’t you call him?” Youngbae suggested as he let out a yawn.

 

Jiyong pulled his phone out, angry that Seungri was already causing problems.

 

“Put the phone away, Seungri knew we had an early morning shoot, he will be here.” Seunghyun said from his spot on the couch.

“This is why he shouldn’t have gone out last night!” Jiyong seethed through his clenched teeth.

 

The two were caught in a staring contest, neither one was ready to give it up until the door opened and in walked in Seungri’s manager with a bag of clothes.

 

“Where is Seungri, he told me to bring him some fresh clothes.”

“What do you mean fresh clothes? Didn’t he go home?”

 

Before Seungri’s manager could answer, in walked the missing man of the hour. He had his phone up to his ear laughing at whatever the other person had said. Jiyong stared him down, how dare he be laughing and smiling when Jiyong had no idea where he was or if he was going to show up.

 

“I’m not sure how long we will be shooting it today. Diner? Yeah sure I think we will be done by then. Ok I will call you then.” Seungri smiled at his phone before shoving it in his pocket and taking his sunglasses off.

 

Seungri looked around the room at his hyungs, all of them were smiling except for Jiyong who looked as if he was ready to fight someone.

 

“Morning.” Seungri said with a cheerful voice.

“Good morning indeed, did you have fun last night?” Seunghyun responded with a wide grin on his face.

“I did, we had a lot of fun.”

“Obviously since you didn’t go home last night.” Daesung added as he sat up on the couch.

“Stop, it wasn’t like that. We just went out for some drinks and went back to his place to watch a movie and share some wine.”

“Don’t be shy, Mino was dressed very handsomely last night.” Seunghyun wiggled his eyebrows at Seungri before giving him a wink.

 

Seungri covered his eyes a light pink blush crept up his chest. Jiyong hated it. Jiyong was angry before but now he was downright pissed! He stayed out all night drinking and didn’t even bother going home! He wanted to take the boy to a back room and give him a proper punishment. Jiyong sucked in his breath, where did that train of thought come from. Things weren’t that way anymore for him to be able to do that.

 

“Glad you could finally show up, we have lots of work to do.” Jiyong said before storming off into wardrobe.

 

The music video being shot today was for their flower road song they had released when Jiyong and the others were still enlisted. It was going to be a colorful music video with them dressed up and serenading their parts to girls as they each took turns in different gardens. Seungri being in a better mood thanks to Mino being a great friend and distracting him from the stress that was Jiyong and their failed relationship. Seungri was quiet the charmer when he wanted to be and was doing just that with his stand in girlfriend for the music video. When it wasn’t his time to shoot a scene Jiyong would catch glimpses of the two sitting with their head close together laughing and chatting. The girl had a permanent pink blush on her face being so close to Seungri. The stress from Seungri was causing problems for Jiyong, he was messing up his parts of the song and not following the director’s orders.

Seungri noticed that Jiyong was having problems and was confused why the almighty G dragon was having issues. Grabbing his fake girlfriend’s hand Seungri lead her away from the current shot and out of eye sight from Jiyong.

Jiyong wasn’t sure if Seungri had left due to the fact he knew Jiyong was struggling because of him or if he just got bored and wanted to move away from the constant shouting. Either way Jiyong was grateful and finally able to finish his portion of the garden scene.

The rest of the night was shooting group shots of them singing parts of the song. They each took turns performing their parts and it was as if nothing had changed, they were Bigbang again doing what they enjoyed the most. Jiyong danced around Seungri as he sang his parts, the maknae was dressed with black trousers and a see through black shirt that had specks of silver interwoven into the. Every time Seungri moved and hit a certain light his shirt would sparkle like little small diamonds were embedded in it. Jiyong felt his heart do it’s own little dance at the sight of Seungri performing. Spinning away from camera Jiyong let out a large sigh, he was going down the wrong path again with his thoughts.

Eventually the director called it a night and members thanked everyone for their hard work before going into wardrobe and getting undressed. Jiyong wasn’t in wardrobe when Seungri was getting dressed today for the shoot, it was when Seungri was pulling up his pants and turning away from Jiyong did he notice the purple mark on shoulder blade. Blinding red rage coursed through Jiyong’s veins. Grabbing his shirt from the hanger he pushed his head and arms through before walking towards the clueless Seungri and grabbing his arm.

Seungri was caught off guard as he was going to button his shirt when Jiyong grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the bathroom. Jiyong pinned him in between the sink and himself before spinning him around so his back faced him and pulled the shirt down.

 

“Hyung what are you doing?” Seungri asked as he looked in the reflection of the mirror to see Jiyong scanning his shoulder.

“I should be asking you that! Look at this mark on your shoulder! How could you let him mark you like that! What if someone else had scene? This would have caused problems for everyone! Didn’t I tell you that I don’t have time to cover your scandals up anymore?”

 

Seungri pushed back from the sink making Jiyong stumble backwards. Pulling his shirt up he looked at Jiyong who was scowling at him. Seungri began buttoning his shirt as he talked.

 

“Just as I told you before, you don’t need to worry about me. I can handle my own problems, they are my own and I don’t need your help fixing them. I am a grown man with my own businesses, I was doing fine without you the whole time you were gone and I will continue to be fine now that I am out and you have your new girlfriend.”

 

Jiyong didn’t miss the way Seungri said girlfriend, the way his said the title was as if it was a curse word, full of poison and hatred.

 

“So since you are a grown man you are just going to go whoring around town then? Just throwing yourself at any man or woman?”

“Do you really think that lowly of me? For all the years we were together do you honestly think that I would just chance it and sleep with anyone?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

 

Seungri allowed his arms to drop to his side, so this is how Jiyong really thought of him. If he had thought of him this way, then how did he ever love him? _I guess he never did love me_ , Seungri thought to himself. If Jiyong truly did love him then he would never had cheated on him nor left him.

Jiyong wasn’t blind, he saw how his statement had hurt Seungri. He wanted so much to reach out and to pull Seungri into his arms and apologize for saying such hurtful words. But that damn pride wouldn’t let hm. Before Jiyong could say anything else a large banging came at the bathroom door followed by Seunghyun’s voice.

 

“I swear to god Jiyong I will kill you if you are doing anything to Seungri! Let him out right now before I bust this door down!”

 

Just as Jiyong was opening his mouth to say a smart-ass response about how Seunghyun doesn’t have the strength a ringing sound came from within the room. Jiyong watched as Seungri pulled out his phone and read the text message before putting it back in his pocket and walking past him. Jiyong grabbed onto Seungri’s arm stopping him.

 

“Where do you think you are going we aren’t finished!”

 

Seungri shoved off Jiyong’s hold, “If you must know I have plans, and according to your thought process it’s a date with my new fuck buddy. So just leave me the fuck alone!”

 

Jiyong tried to grab onto him again but Seungri shoved him back and unlocked the bathroom door leaving a very pissed off Jiyong holding onto the sink for support.

 

“Hyung I am heading out first.”

“Ok Seungri, you and Mino have fun.” Seunghyun said as he waved goodbye to the maknae.

“Seungri stop right the fuck there!” Jiyong shouted as he made a move to run after Seungri.

 

Again, it was Seunghyun who stopped him blocking his path.

 

“I told you last night you lost any right to that man! Go back to your girlfriend and leave Seungri alone, let him find his own peace and happiness. The poor guy deserves nothing but that after everything you have put him through.”

 

Seunghyun turned and walked over to Daesung, putting his arm around the angelic man’s shoulder the two walked out of the dressing room. Youngbae came over to Jiyong and put his hand on his shoulder trying to comfort his best friend. All Jiyong could do was watch the two walk out of the room.

 

“That use to be me and Seungri.” Jiyong whispered.

“Yes it was, but you decided that wasn’t enough. You made your choice, now you have to live with it. Let the maknae go, he doesn’t deserve any of this. He never did.”

 

Youngbae moved away and walked out the door leaving Jiyong to think about the choices he has made.


	4. Chapter 4

Seungri followed behind Mino into the dimly lit restaurant. The two walked up to the hostess booth surprising the younger girl working it, her mouth hung slightly open and her eyes were wide. It didn’t help when both men smiled at her as they waited for her to come to her senses. When she finally did Seungri requested a private area for the two and she grabbed a couple of menus then lead the way. As they order their dinner Mino inquired about how the music video was coming and Seungri lit up with the gentlest smile, it was quickly becoming Mino’s favorite thing.

 

“The MV is coming along and it’s so nice to be back together filming again. Plus, it’s a song that the fans have been requesting.”

“I’m glad you are having fun, you seem brighter today then the other day.”

“Last night was just what I needed. I hadn’t had that much fun in such a long time.”

“Then we should do it more often.”

“We should, but I just don’t know how much more time I will have once things really get going and then we will be doing the tour.”

“Then while we can let’s just enjoy the time we do have.”

 

Seungri grabbed his wine glass raising it to clink it with Mino, this is what he really needed. A friend who understood the demands of the his career but also supportive and an ear to listen to him.

After dinner Seungri thought of just going right home but Mino had talked him into coming back over. Walking into Mino’s apartment Seungri slipped off his shoes and was about to slide on the guest slippers when Mino stopped him.

Mino walked over to the closet and pulled out a small blue bag handing it to Seungri. Seungri opened the bag and pulled out a pair of slippers that had little white horses being rode by a prince on them.

 

“Mino you didn’t need to do this.”

“I know hyung but I wanted you to be comfortable while you are here.”

“Well I love them.”

 

Seungri placed the slippers on the floor before sliding them on. Wiggling his toes he was able to take in their plushness and knew they were soft, the new slippers were pretty comfortable compared to the guest slippers.

Going over to the couch Seungri sat down as Mino went into the kitchen to grab two bottles of water out of the fridge prior to joining Seungri on the couch. Reaching for the remote Mino turned on the TV pulling up the next episode of the drama the two had started the night before.

After they finished the first episode of the night Seungri was so hooked that he knew it was going to be another long night of binging. Turning to Mino he asked if it would be alright if he stayed the night again, Mino happily told him that he was always welcomed to spend the night. The two men got up and went into the master bedroom where Mino pulled out a set of sleeping pants for both of them. Seungri began undressing pulling his pants off before pulling the sleeping pants on. Mino would be lying If he didn’t find the elder man attractive, watching him move with his muscles flexing made Mino blush with inappropriate thoughts racing through his head.

When Seungri pulled his shirt off Mino had to quickly look away so that his blush wouldn’t be seen. Yet turning away didn’t help as he was now watching Seungri change in the mirror. Mino swallowed the saliva that was beginning to pool in his mouth. When Seungri turned to lay his folded clothes on the chair in the corner Mino noticed the purple mark on his shoulder.

 

“Hyung what happened?”

 

Mino turned back around and walked up to Seungri tracing the purple mark on his body. Seungri’s flesh broke out in goosebumps at the man’s touch. Seungri closed his eyes enjoying the younger man’s gentle touch, it had been too long since someone had touched him with such gentleness. The last man to have touched him ended up breaking his heart in the end.

 

“Hyung?” Mino softly called out to him.

“Oh its nothing, I think I bumped the table harder than I thought when we were wrestling around the other night. Don’t worry it will fade, I bruise pretty easily but they fade quickly.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been that rough.”

“You weren’t, I can take a good amount of pain. Now come on and let’s go back to our show.”

 

Seungri turned around grabbing Mino’s hand and dragging him back to the living room. He needed to be in a safe space and distracted before doing something he wouldn’t be able to take back.

The two men got comfortable on the couch with blankets and pillows before starting the next episode. By the time it reached 2am Seungri was slowly losing the battle against sleep. Looking over to Mino he held back his chuckle, the younger man had lost that battle and was already in a deep sleep. Small snores filled the room when Seungri turned the TV off. Laying down on the couch his feet intertwined with Mino, Mino moved around slightly before shoving his cold feet in between Seungri’s legs causing him to shiver.

The next morning Mino took Seungri to where they were finishing up the MV shoot instead of making his manager come out to get him. Outside sucking on a cigarette with a cup of coffee in one hand stood Jiyong. Jiyong noticed that stupid black sports car the second it turned onto the lot _. Clearly the maknae had not gone home yet again!_ Jiyong thought as he watched car drive up. Watching the car pull up to the curb he puffed hard on the cigarette, he knew he couldn’t be feeling this way. Everyone was right he had made this choice and he had to live with it, but why was it so hard? The passenger door opened and out stepped Seungri, Jiyong had expected him to still be wearing the same clothes as the day before but this time he was in fresh clothing. Fresh clothing that was not his! Jiyong knew every article of clothing Seungri owned, he had gone on more than one shopping trip for him and had organized his closet to help with picking clothes for the day. Jiyong doubted that Seungri had gone shopping recently, he wouldn’t have had time. So where did these new clothes come from, where they Mino’s? Where they already this close?

 

“Thanks for the ride.” Seungri said to Mino as he bent down in the doorway.

“No problem, have fun today and we can talk later.”

 

Seungri smiled before standing up and shutting the door. Turning to walk towards the door of the recording set he finally noticed Jiyong who was smoking. Seungri had to hold back the ungodly sound he wanted to make, Jiyong was very attractive when he was smoking. The way his cheeks hollowed out when he sucked in and the way his neck looked when he would tilt his head up to exhale the smoke.

 

“Good morning hyung.” Seungri said as he walked up to Jiyong with a smile on his face hoping that he hadn’t been caught checking him out.

“Another sleep over with your fun boy?”

“Still in a pissy mood I see.” Seungri squinted his eyes as he hopped every bit of his statement sounded as sassy as he was feeling. He was so tired of Jiyong and his moods.

“Watch that tongue.”

“I will do what I want and say what I want.”

“You still need to show respect.”

“That I do but seeing as no one is around us I am going to treat you with the amount of respect you deserve.”

“He better have not marked you again. The one from the night before should be fading by tonight. We don’t need any more issues.” Jiyong knew exactly how long a mark would take to fade on Seungri, he had left so many on him in the past after all.

“Whatever.”

 

Seungri ignored whatever Jiyong was set to say and rushed off to get ready. The day was spent reshooting parts, and additional B footage to fill in gaps. It wasn’t going to be that long of a day shooting but right after they were set to go do a radio show interview. Once that was over with Seungri was looking forward to going home and relaxing, dealing with everything and Jiyong’s moods were just too much for him.

Arriving at the radio show the guys all crammed into the small room. Jiyong sat next to Seungri, Seunghyun sat on the other side, followed by Daesung and ending with Youngbae. They all had on bright smiles and a cheerful tone. The host started off asking how the comeback album was coming and Daesung answered that it was going really well, that they were excited for the fans to hear it. Next the host asked Youngbae how it was being a first-time dad and an idol. Youngbae laughed a bit and admitted that it was tiring but he loved every single minute of it. Next was the question directed towards Jiyong about his girlfriend, he asked how things were going and if Youngbae being a dad had him wanting kids. Jiyong lit up and said he loved when Youngbae would bring his son around, that he loved kids and very much wanted kids of his own someday. The host then asked Seunghyun if he was dating anyone and Daesung laughed saying the only one Seunghyun was romantic about was his art collection. Everyone had a good laugh, Seunghyun did love his art but probably not as much as he did Daesung. The way he looked at him when he thought no one was looking reminded him of the same way Jiyong looked at Seungri. The last question was directed at Seungri, he was asked how things were being back and if he had planned on dating now.

 

“Now that I have finished my service I feel like I can finally date freely and not feel bad about leaving my partner on the outside waiting for me. I hope that I can find someone I can build a life with just like my hyung. It’s safe to say that any man would want to have a family, right now I just want to build my career and business up as much as possible so that when I do start my family I can provide for them.”

“Are you seeing anyone or do you have anyone you want to confess to?” The host was really trying to dig for information.

 

Jiyong who had his hands in his lap turned to look at Seungri raising his eyebrow. A part of him wanted to know the answer to this question as well. Seungri in his playful panda like way covered his face with his hands acting bashful before denying that he had one in mind. Jiyong smiled before turning towards the host where they finished the interview talking about the album and their thoughts on a tour.

After the interview was over everyone loaded up in van before heading back to the studio. Seungri pulled out his phone sending a text to his manager letting him know he just wanted to go home and rest once he reached there. Everyone was talking quietly while Seungri laid his head on the window and closed his eyes. He had stayed up way too late last night and knew he needed to get more sleep.

Once they arrived at the studio Seungri waived and said his fair wells before jumping in his managers car and heading home. Everyone but Jiyong was also heading home, true to his perfectionist self Jiyong was going to stay and work on the album some more. Walking into the studio he had run into the man who was slowly starting to annoy him with his presence.

 

“Good evening hyung.” Mino greeted his elder with a bow and a smile.

“Mino.” Jiyong acknowledged him with a head nod.

“Seungri went home?”  
“Yes, he can’t always be out causing problems. Besides shouldn’t you be working on your own stuff? How is it you have so much free time to be distracting him?” Jiyong was starting to get annoyed.

“I just happened to be able to move some things around to make time for him. Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?” Mino challenged him with a raised eyebrow.

Jiyong glared at the younger man, “Yes they should and thank you for being a good FRIEND.” He made sure to make a strong emphasis on the word friend, Mino needed to know his place.

“Of course, boyfriends should also make time for their partners to make sure they are cared for and to listen to them when they have problems. After all, once you love someone you have to go all the way and not cut corners or end things because you don’t feel like things are enough. I don’t understand how some people could end things with their partners because they are afraid of what others would say or because they are no longer enough. People like that are kind of selfish don’t you think?” Mino smirked as he saw Jiyong’s eye twitch, he knew he was being too bold, but he hated how hurt Seungri was because of Jiyong.

“Listen here boy, you need to know your place and stay out of things you don’t know anything about.”

“If it concerns someone I care about I’m making it my business to make sure they aren’t hurt again.”

“Yes well if you really cared about someone you wouldn’t leave little marks on their bodies. That’s poor taste.”

 

Mino looked at Jiyong with a puzzled look, _a mark_? He thought, then remembered the mark on his shoulder.

 

“If you are talking about the mark on Seungri’s shoulder he said it would fade quickly.”

“Whether or not it would fade doesn’t make it ok to mark him like that.”

“I will admit I was kind of rough with him, I was just so excited and lost control of myself. I mean he did say he could take a bit of pain and he was enjoying himself too. So I don’t see what the problem is.”

Jiyong was starting to see red, how bold was Mino willing to go? To openly talk about their sexual relationship to the man who was with Seungri for the longest pissed Jiyong off. “Just don’t do it again.” Jiyong seethed out.

“Well if Seungri says no then I won’t, but if he wants to then I will have to give him what he wants. He deserves the world, and if I can give him a bit of it then so be it.” Mino looked down at his watch before looking back at Jiyong, “Sorry but I really have to go now. Have a good night hyung.” Mino said before pushing past a pissed off Jiyong.

 

Jiyong stormed off to his work area and attempted to get some things done but with the way Mino had talked to him he was having a hard time concentrating on his tasks. The image of Seungri and Mino tangled together with Mino sucking on his skin was causing his anger to raise. Jiyong slammed his hand on the table before slamming his laptop shut and grabbing his things to leave.

Jiyong jumped in his car driving home a little too fast, he knew he should slow down but his anger had control of his mind and he just wanted to get home and take a shower. When he reached his apartment parking spot he aggressively slammed on the breaks before throwing the car into park. Slamming his door shut he stormed up to his apartment, anyone walking by him would never had imagined that the man who was radiating anger off him was the same man they saw on stage. Jiyong didn’t care if anyone recognized him, his mind just kept replaying everything with Mino and running scenarios through his head.

Once in the safety of his apartment he threw his jacket at the wall causing it to hit a vase toppling it off the table. The sound of the vase crashing to the ground did nothing to quell the anger that was racing through Jiyong’s veins, instead it had the opposite affect fueling on his anger. It felt good to break something. Walking passed the broken vase on the floor he went to his room and started tearing the blankets and sheets off the bed. Throwing pillows around the room caused a lamp to fall to the floor, picture frames to flip over, more loud crashing that fueled his anger. Grabbing the pillow off the floor he proceeded to slam it repeatedly on the bad trying to get out all of the anger in him. Anger for Seungri acting the way he was, as if he didn’t care if things got messed up. Anger for the fact that Seungri still had a hold of his heart. Anger for Mino who was moving into the place he had vacated in Seungri’s life.

When Jiyong finally felt as if he had no energy left in his body he fell onto his bed breathing heavily. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm himself down before getting off the bed and walking into his closet. He knew he needed to shower before he started cleaning up the mess he had made. Grabbing some sweat pants off a hanger he went to reach for a shirt to pull it off but dropped the pants on the floor. Bending down to grab them he noticed a small bag full of clothes next to a box. It was the bag of clothes from Seungri’s apartment. He had completely forgot about putting them away.

Taking each article of clothing out one by one he began folding them up when his had pulled out a shirt, it wasn’t his. Jiyong recognized it right away, the matching shirt still hung in his closet somewhere. Pulling the shirt from the bag he raised it in the air turning it over, the small Jerry peeking out from the pocket on the right side the shirt caused a wave of emotions Jiyong had not felt in such a long time. Bring the shirt close to his face he took in a deep breath, it still smelt exactly like Seungri. Tears started springing to his eyes as he buried his face in the shirt, small sobs rocked his body as he started mourning the loss of his relationship. Pulling the box out that sat next to the bag he opened it up for the first time. Inside the box laid pictures on top of pictures along with mementos from trips they had taken together. Jiyong reached inside pulling out the pictures, some were old back from their debut years. The pictures varied from group photos to intimate ones. Jiyong found the one he was looking for, it was a picture of Seungri sleeping on the bed when they had gone on vacation together. His sleeping face was lite up by the bright sun that was shining in from the open window in their hotel room. He looked so peaceful that Jiyong couldn’t pass up the chance of snapping a picture to remember their trip with. Clutching the pictures close to his chest he continued to cry for the man he had pushed away. Only did he come to his senses when he heard the main door unlocking and opening up, the voice of his girlfriend calling out to him had him placing everything back in the box and putting back in the closet. He had made his choice and there was no going back.


	5. Chapter 5

 

A couple of months had gone by since Jiyong had his emotional breakdown in his closet. He never once mentioned his war of emotions to anyone, he kept that bit of turmoil to himself. The comeback had been released and the album was taking the charts by storm. Jiyong and the rest of the group were ecstatic to see the fans rejoicing over the new music. All of the social media accounts were being flooded with happy and encouraging words from their fans. YG had announced the start to their tour shortly after their last radio show and the tickets sold out within seconds. The dates for their international tour were still being discussed but their Asian leg of the tour were going to be none stop performances. Daesung and Seungri were especially looking forward to their stops in Japan, as neither of the two had been there since they came out of enlistment.

Over the past couple of months Mino and Seungri were still attached at the hip whenever possible, much to the dislike of Jiyong. The two were popping up all over social media with fans capturing them on camera on their many dinner dates and mini stay-cations they had. Seungri didn’t talk much about what the two would do together when he was with the group, he knew Jiyong didn’t care for Mino and Seungri didn’t want to cause any problems within the group. Jiyong as much as he didn’t want to be, was upset over the fact that the rest of his band mates had accepted Mino into their lives. Photos had surfaced with Mino eating dinner with the band, comments under the picture had questioned the lack of Jiyong and wondered what was going. Seunghyun had even posted a picture from his apartment of Seungri and Mino sitting at his table drinking wine with Daesung sitting across from them. Jiyong knew that he had no right to feel the way he was, but it was starting to dawn on him just how far the maknae was moving away from him.

Preparing for the tour was not as easy as it used to be, by the end of the night the members were all left breathless and laying on the floor of the practice room. Like many other nights that’s where they were currently. Daesung and Seunghyun were left laughing on the floor after Seunghyun had messed up a move almost tripping Daesung. Youngbae was sitting on the chair guzzling water like he would never see it again. Jiyong had his hands on the mirror bracing himself as he gasped for breath. Sweat was falling down his forehead getting caught in his eyelashes, his shirt no doubt was soaked and would need a change before he went out into the cold night. Jiyong grabbed the bottom of his shirt lifting it up to wipe his face, when his vision was cleared he looked into the mirror to take in the others. A smile played at Jiyong’s face as he took in their carefree attitude. When his eyes finally landed on Seungri he couldn’t find it in himself to look away. Seungri laid out on the floor with his arms open, his eyes were closed, and his mouth hung open in a small smile as he listened to his elders’ banter. His chest rose and fell in rapid succession as he tried to catch his breath. Jiyong only finally took his eyes away from the maknae when he heard the door open, glaring at the door he wasn’t surprised to find Mino walking in. The heads of the other members all popped up and welcomed the younger man.

 

“You guys looked really good, I can’t wait to see the live performance!”

“Thanks, we still have some things to work out but it’s going well so far.” Youngbae said as he stood up to clap Mino on the back.

“We are done for the day, I imagine you came to snatch up the maknae?” Seunghyun questioned as he stood helping Daesung up off the ground as well.

“I was hoping I would be able to, but only if you are all done for the day.”

“Go right ahead, we are done.” Daesung said as he slowly walked over to the water bottle sitting on an empty chair.

“Seungri if you have no other plans?” Mino motioned to the door with his hand.

 

Seungri nodded his head from the floor and began to get up but fell back down to the floor clutching his calf. A sharp pain followed by a strong knot was forming in the maknae’s calf. Jiyong pushed off the mirror and was starting to walk over to Seungri to massage out the calf, the maknae was clearly not getting enough liquids or stretching out properly. Jiyong recalled the many nights he spent massaging his lover’s calf after a long night of practicing. But before Jiyong could even reach the maknae Mino was already there on knees with Seungri’s leg in his lap asking him where it hurt the most. Seungri through his gritted teeth told him where and Jiyong watched as Mino’s fingers moved around making the knot less tight, Seungri’s face slowly began to relax as the pain subsided. Mino helped Seungri to his feet before putting his arm around his waist helping him out the door.

Jiyong balled his fists before walking over to his bag on the floor and pulled out a new shirt. Grabbing the bottom of his shirt he roughly pulled the wet clothing off before shrugging on a dry one. Youngbae always the observant member walked over to his best friend as he was shoving the dirty clothing back into the bag.

 

“The maknae is forgetting his water.” Youngbae quietly said to the angry Jiyong.

“He is also forgetting to stretch properly.”

“Tomorrow maybe you should remind him, it wouldn’t be good for him to injury himself.”

“I’m sure his new “friend” will be more than happy to help him out when he does injury himself.”

“Don’t be an ass Jiyong, just remind him.”

“Do it yourself, he isn’t my problem anymore.”

“I didn’t know he was a problem.” Youngbae shook his head at his best friend before turning around and walking out the door.

 

Walking into the dance practice the next morning Seungri tried not to put pressure on his leg that was still sore from the massive cramp he had the day before. Mino had massaged his leg enough to make the cramp relax but that night it came back and Mino just didn’t know how to make it relax. Jiyong stood off in the corner of the room and watched the maknae walk in with a smile on his face but the smile didn’t match the pain in his eyes. It also didn’t go unnoticed how he favored a leg. Jiyong bent down grabbing the big water bottle full of ice cold water and walked over to where the maknae was sitting down now trying to stretch out his legs.

 

“You’re not drinking enough water.”

“Yeah, I guess I need to up my intake more.”

“It came back again last night didn’t it?”

 

Seungri nodded his head as he took the water bottle that Jiyong was handing him.

 

“You need to take better care of yourself. Didn’t that boy help your leg relax at all?”

“Mino doesn’t really have the magic touch I guess.”

 

Jiyong felt a bit of pride well up inside him, he has the magic touch and Mino doesn’t. Jiyong bent down onto his knees to the side of Seungri before grabbing the sore leg and putting it in his lap.

 

“Hyung, you don’t need to do that.”

“Be quiet, you are sore and if I don’t take care of this it will cause problems for the rest of us later on. Just drink that water.”

 

Seungri kept quiet as he allowed his ex lover to massage his sore calf. Closing his eyes he leaned back on his elbows enjoying the way Jiyong’s fingers worked over the muscle helping it relax. He had missed this, Jiyong truly did have a magic touch when it came to massages, more than once he would end up putting Seungri right to sleep when he would rub his back at night. Seungri struggled to keep in the moans that wanted to escape his lips as Jiyong hit the sorer parts of the muscle.

Out of the corner of his eye Jiyong watched Seungri with his head lolled back and his eyes closed. He hadn’t seen this look in such a long time, Seungri in this moment boarded on erotic if it wasn’t for the setting they were in. Memories flashed through Jiyong’s mind of Seungri in this exact position but instead of Jiyong massaging his leg it was Jiyong’s head in Seungri’s lap bobbing up and down on the maknae’s throbbing member. Jiyong shut his eyes and held back his own moan as he felt his own member stirring in his pants at the memory of the two.

The sound of a throat clearing behind Jiyong had both the men shooting their eyes open, both embarrassed over the fact they had lost themselves to their emotions. Looking behind himself Jiyong noticed Seunghyun drinking some water with his eyebrow up, the eldest member was not dumb and knew what was going on. Seungri looked down as he hoped his blush wasn’t too bright. Jiyong on the other hand glared at Seunghyun before pushing Seungri’s leg off his lap and standing up.

 

“Thanks hyung, it feels a lot better.”

“Just make sure you are drinking lots of water, if we have to I’m sure we can get a physical therapist in here for you.”

 

Seungri hated the way that Jiyong had said it, he knew he was just being nice but the tone in his voice came off as if Seungri was just an inconvenience to him. Where was the man who was just rubbing his leg not more than two seconds ago? Seunghyun held his hand out for Seungri to grab, the maknae with sadness in his eyes and heart grabbed on to the elders out stretched hand and stood. Seunghyun hated the look in Seungri’s eyes, but he knew if he had let them continue the pain would have been more unbearable then it was now for Seungri.

Over the next month leading up to the first date of the concert the members spent their days in and out of dance practice, meeting with the people in charge of the wardrobe to get fitted and doing small interviews and promotions. The men were exhausted but at the same time more excited than they were for their first concert. This was their first concert for their second half of their careers. This was their time to show their fans and the people of the kpop world that they still had what it took to stay on top. To show that they can keep up if not surpass the younger groups.

The night before the start of a tour was a night where Seungri would normally spend it in the arms of Jiyong listening to all the feedback the leader had for the maknae. Things he needs to watch out for, places he needs to work harder on, and things to expect. It was also a night where the leader didn’t just lecture but was also there to comfort and ease away any fear the maknae would have. Yet this wasn’t the case anymore. Seungri sat in his empty apartment alone. Sitting on the couch Seungri clutched onto a pillow tightly in his lap, the lights in the apartment were all off, the only light was coming from the outside world. Filtered through the sheer curtain in the living room it danced across the picture frames that were on the opposite wall. There was no music or sounds outside of the light buzzing sound coming from coffee maker. Seunghyun had offered to come sit with the maknae but Seungri declined, he was a grown man after all. In reality the fear was slowly starting to eat away at him. The fear of messing up in front of thousands of fans. The fear of not only making a fool of himself but making a fool of his hyungs who had been working so hard for this comeback. The small dinner he had eaten earlier that night was slowly churning until Seungri ended up making a mad dash to the bathroom to empty it into the toilet.

Sitting in the quiet recording room Jiyong played around with some random beats. Unable to turn his mind off and go home for the night he sat there messing around with random things. As the leader of the group the weight of whether or not the tour would go well hung over his head. Jiyong ignored the calls from his girlfriend wanting to know if he needed anything. He needed something, more specifically someone but he no longer could have him. It wasn’t just him putting Seungri’s fears at ease when they would lay together the night before a tour. It was Seungri’s presence and comfort he gave Jiyong that helped the leader stay calm. Jiyong couldn’t get that from him anymore and he felt lost now that it was gone, how was he going to cope with the stress? Jiyong had no doubt that Seungri was fine, probably now in the arms of his new lover after all. At least one of them is getting the comfort needed. Jiyong’s phone began buzzing for the hundredth time that night and Jiyong was ready to throw the damn thing against the wall. Picking it up he noticed that it was Seunghyun calling him, which surprised him as he expected the eldest to be busy with Daesung or at some art show. Clicking the answer button he could hear some soft classical music playing in the background.

 

“Hello?” Jiyong answered.

“Jiyong have you heard from the maknae?”

“No, I’m sure he is fine no doubt probably with that boy.”

“Yeah see the thing is Mino just called me and was wondering if Seungri was with us. I tried calling him but I wasn’t able to get him. I would run over to check on him but me and Daesung are at an art show and we can’t get away. Youngbae is busy with his family as well so he can’t escape. Mino got called away last minute so he can’t check on him either. Do you think you could swing by and just check in on him?”

“Seungri is a grown man, he can handle things on his own you know.”

“Just go check on him damn it!”

 

Jiyong didn’t get a chance to protest before the eldest ended the call. Grabbing his belongings Jiyong headed to his car, this was the last thing he wanted to do. The drive to Seungri’s apartment didn’t take long and before he knew it he was parking his car and getting out. How many times had he made this drive? How many times did he stand in this elevator as it slowly pulled him up to the man who had held his heart. How many times did he excitedly bounce around needing to see Seungri to share some exciting news? Jiyong pushed those depressing thoughts down as far as he could, now would not be a good time to lose his cool. Stepping off the elevator he went to the door and wondered if Seungri had changed the lock code, entering in the date of their anniversary the door unlocked and allowed Jiyong access.

Stepping into the dark apartment Jiyong waited to hear any sounds but heard nothing. Flicking on a light Jiyong walked in and went to the living room to see it empty. Turning to head down the hallway he stopped when he noticed the wall that had many gaps, gaps where pictures of the couple use to be. Jiyong knew there were pictures missing because it was him who had picked out the picture frames and helped Seungri put them up. Moving out the living room he made his way to the master bedroom and opened the door. Turning the light on he breathed in the stale air and noticed that the room had dust collecting on the dresser and the bed looked as if it hadn’t been touched in months. Jiyong was starting to get worried, walking out the room he went to guest room. Throwing the door open and turning the light on he found the room empty but knew that this was where Seungri had been sleeping. The bed was unmade, dirty clothes were thrown about near a hamper and the humidifier was going. _Why was he sleeping in here?_ Jiyong thought to himself. Pushing the thought to the side he turned around and left the room.

 

“Seungri?” He called out and waited for a response. When he heard nothing he called out again, “Lee Seunghyun you answer me right now!” Again he waited for a response and heard movement in the bathroom.

 

Rushing to the bathroom he opened the door to find Seungri sitting in the shower fully clothed with the water raining down on him. Shocked Jiyong rushed to the turn the water off before grabbing the towel on the rack and throwing it over the shivering man.

 

“What the hell are you doing? Do you want to get sick?”

“Hyung?” Seungri asked as he slowly opened his eyes.

“Who else would it be!”

 

Jiyong helped the soaking wet maknae to his feet before walking him to the guest room. Once inside Jiyong left the man standing near the bed before going to the dresser and pulling out some dry clothes. Seungri stood there shivering as he watched the last man he expected to ever show up move around the room. Jiyong came back with clothes in hand and began pulling the soaking wet shirt up over the maknae’s head. Seungri tried to protest but Jiyong swatted his hands away. Again Seungri tried to stop Jiyong when he began pulling down his pants but Jiyong just glared up at him as he pushed his hands away. Seungri stood in front of his ex lover and tried to cover himself, he didn’t know how to feel being so exposed in front of the man he still very much loved. He would have normally felt excited but now only felt heart ache, it wasn’t right for him to be this way. Jiyong grabbed a fresh towel that was laying on the dresser and began drying off Seungri before helping him put on his sleep pants. It had been so long since Jiyong was in this position to help such a vulnerable Seungri, he felt anger that Seungri was in this state. Had he been here this would never had happened.

Moving towards the bed Jiyong began making it before pushing the maknae down and covering the shivering man up. Seungri thought that he was leaving when he watched Jiyong turn around and the light going off. He didn’t expect the sounds of Jiyong’s feet to come closer or for the dip in the bed as Jiyong climbed in and under the covers. Jiyong knew what he was doing was dangerous and that it would do more harm than good but right now with the stress of the tour and finding Seungri in the state he did he needed this just as much as Seungri did. Moving closer he pushed his arm under the pillow that held the maknae’s head and pulled him close so that his head would be near his chest. Turning to his side Seungri felt his heart beat rapidly as he found his usual position on the side of Jiyong, his heart skipped a beat when he felt Jiyong move his other arm around to hold him close and began rubbing his hand up and down Seungri’s cold body.

 

“Hyung?” Seungri hesitantly questioned.

“Don’t say anything, just try and get some sleep. It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.”

 

Seungri closed his eyes, he wanted to enjoy the moment as much as possible, for tomorrow he knew they were both going to pay for their mistakes tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI this has a sex scene in it. If you are sensitive to two men making love then please don't read this chapter.

The feeling of being held tightly with his legs unable to move was what caused Seungri to stir from his slumber. Slowly blinking his eyes and waiting for his brain to catch up to his awareness he felt something stir behind him. Someone was grabbing him around the waist holding him in a death grip, legs were intertwined with his holding him from moving away. By now Seungri’s brain was fully awake and the realization dawned on him of who was behind him. Slowly as to not wake the sleeping Jiyong Seungri twisted his body so he was face to face with the man. Jiyong had loosened his grip when he felt Seungri moving but as soon as Seungri was back in place he hitched his leg up over his hip and pulled him close. The new position had Seungri’s heart racing, he was inches away from Jiyong’s face. Being so close he could smell Jiyong’s shampoo and his body wash. The slow even breaths escaping Jiyong’s lips washed over his face.

Seungri tried his best to go back to sleep, he knew this wasn’t right. Being in this position or having Jiyong in his bed period was crossing a line. Jiyong was no longer his but damn it if he couldn’t feel himself becoming aroused. It had been too long since he was intimate, it didn’t help that Jiyong was the man that still filled his heart. Pulling his bottom lip in he chewed on it thinking things over in his head. Throwing all sense of rationalization out the window he went for it, when would be the next time he had a chance like this anyways. Slowly Seungri moved his head closer to Jiyong’s until he felt his lips ever so softly brush against Jiyong’s. With his lips finally touching the man who he loved he waited. Closing his eyes he took the chance to put this feeling permanently into his memory. The way Jiyong’s soft lips felt against his. The way they were warm and moist. He never wanted to forget this moment for as long as he could live.

Jiyong became aware of everything the minute he felt Seungri’s lips on his, but he stayed still and fanned sleep. Jiyong tried to fight against the growing want for Seungri but he too was no match for it. Opening his eyes he took in Seungri who had his eyes shut and a look of euphoria on his face. Closing his eyes Jiyong gave into his needs. Pulling Seungri even closer he began to move his lips against the maknae’s.

Seungri was shocked by the change and went to pull away but was held in his place when he felt Jiyong’s hand on his face. Closing his eyes he went with the flow letting Jiyong take control of the situation. The kiss started out slow and passionate but quickly turned heated. Both the men were clawing at each other’s skin, Seungri’s tongue was sucked into Jiyong’s mouth where the elder viciously kissed him no doubt causing his lips to bruise. When Seungri came up for air Jiyong moved his attention to the maknae’s neck and began sucking and nipping on it. Moans were falling from Seungri’s lips as he felt Jiyong rock into his body revealing that he too was being affected by the situation.

Jiyong with his free hand pushed Seungri onto his back before coming to hover over him moving his sensual kisses and nips from his neck down his chest and towards his pants. Seungri breathlessly moaned and called out for Jiyong to not stop. Jiyong was far too gone lost to the lust that had taken over his brain. Jiyong’s long fingers made quick work of the pants that were the only barrier to him and Seungri. When they were pulled down far enough Seungri’s hard member sprung free bouncing off and revealing the moist tip that was leaking. Jiyong licked his lips before looking up at Seungri needing his permission, Seungri could only nod. With a smile on his lips Jiyong shot his mouth down taking in all of Seungri in one swift move.

Arching his back off the bed Seungri did his best to hold back from fucking Jiyong’s mouth. Grabbing the sheets of the bed he held on as Jiyong relentlessly bobbed up and down in a quick motion before one of his hands came to Seungri’s sack and pulled on it.

 

“Fuck!” Seungri shouted out as he felt the beginning of his orgasm making its way up from his toes.

 

Jiyong moaned over Seungri’s dick as he pulled out his own member giving it a few hard strokes. The moaning over Seungri’s dick and the fact that he hadn’t had a release in weeks had him racing towards his release.

 

“I’m going to cum Ji!” He shouted, his hands moving to Jiyong’s hair to pull on it.

 

Jiyong stopped his own stroking and pulled again on Seungri’s sack and gave him a long hard suck. That was all it took for Seungri to open his mouth shouting explicit words in ecstasy. Jiyong took ever lost shot of hot cum streams into his mouth. When he felt Seungri was done he sat up and looked down at the dazed and sated maknae. Opening his mouth, he stuck two fingers in to grab some of the cum before he swallowed the rest. Moving his fingers down to Seungri’s rear he spread the cum around before placing himself at the entrance.

Seungri still riding the high from his orgasm felt Jiyong slowly push his way in. He was tight, it had been over a year since he had been entered in that way. Jiyong clamped his eyes shut to concentrate on not just shoving himself in and destroying Seungri.

Once fully inside Jiyong let out a gasp and soft “fuck”. He waited for Seungri to give him a signal to move, it took a minute for him to adjust but Seungri lifted his hips to show Jiyong he could move. The thrusts were soft and slow, Jiyong had missed this. The feeling of his heart being back home was too much and he felt his eyes begin to water. Closing them he picked up the pace both men letting out gasps and moans. The pressure was building up in Jiyong’s balls and he knew it was only a matter of time, Seungri was too tight for him to last.

 

“Let it go Ji, let it lose. Fuck me!” Seungri said in between moans.

 

Jiyong didn’t need to be told twice. Grabbing both of Seungri’s legs Jiyong lifted them up and began hammering into Seungri, the sound of their skin slapping against each other filled the room mixing in with their loud primal moans. With his eyes closed Jiyong clenched down on his teeth and grunted out as he released himself deep within Seungri.

Opening his eyes he allowed Seungri to lower his legs before he pulled out and fell back onto the bed. Both men laid there spent and unable to move or speak. Words needed to be said, but neither could form a coherent sentence. When they were able to move the two men pulled each other close and fell right back to sleep.

The sound of Seungri’s alarm blaring had awoken the maknae. Turning to his side his hand reached out for Jiyong but only found the cold bed sheet. Sitting up he looked around before calling out Jiyong’s name. Waiting for a moment when he heard no reply he stood form his bed. Pain resonated from his rear and he winced and stood still waiting for the pain to subside. Moving slowly he made his way to the bathroom thinking Jiyong must be showering. Opening the door he didn’t find Jiyong in there nor did he find him anywhere in the apartment as he looked around. All the happiness he was feeling earlier vanished from his heart, the sadness that was there the day before returned.

Arriving at the venue Seungri was ushered into the back room where the rest of his band mates were beginning to get ready. Seunghyun in his excited Tabi voice shouted the entrance of the youngest member. Seungri smiled and walked over to his chair. Daesung who watched Seungri enter the room from his reflection in the mirror, noticed the way his eyes were lifeless and he didn’t have the excitement he usually did when they were starting a tour. Daesung kept his mouth shut but continued to watch Seungri.

Daesung wasn’t the only one watching him, Seunghyun and Youngbae were also watching the maknae move about getting ready. It wasn’t until Seungri went to take his clothes off to change when one of them spoke up.

Watching Seungri take his shirt off Seunghyun who was laughing at something on his phone went dead silent. A slow anger began to build inside as he took in all the marks that were scattered around the maknae’s chest. Someone had gotten to the maknae last night and it wasn’t the sweet Mino since he was busy. Standing from his seat and surprising the lady apply his makeup he rushed off into the other room that housed Jiyong.

 

“You fucking piece of shit!” Seunghyun shouted as he grabbed onto Jiyong’s hair pulling him as he attempted to back up from the furious looking elder. “I told you not to touch him! I told you to leave him be! All you were supposed to do was check on him! That didn’t mean to have your way with him and fuck with his mind even more!”

 

Seunghyun’s loud yelling had everyone’s eyes on him and just as he was pulling his arm back to lay a blow to Jiyong he was stopped by Seungri. The maknae had a hold of his arm and was pulling it behind his back.

 

“Hyung please stop.” Seungri pleaded. “We don’t need this right now, you can’t hit him and leave him battered right before we are to start the tour!”

“The bastard deserves it!” Seunghyun spat out as he tried to wiggle his arm loose from the maknae.

“Even if he did it’s my responsibility to handle it if I want to. Hyung I love you for always being there for me and protecting me, but I need to handle this on my own. We don’t need this drama within the group. Besides me and Jiyong talked everything through and we are at an understanding. We got our closure last night and you don’t need to worry about us. Right Ji?”

 

Seungri looked over Seunghyun’s shoulder and pleaded with Jiyong to go with his lie. Jiyong looked up as best he could from his position and nodded his head.

 

“The maknae is right, we handled our business and sorted things out.” Jiyong tried to make his voice less shaky and confident but wasn’t sure if it was coming off that way.

Seunghyun took a moment to think things through before releasing Jiyong. “If you ever think about crossing the line again with the maknae I won’t let anyone stop me again!” Seunghyun said in a low growl before turning and walking out the door to finish getting ready.

 

Jiyong told everyone to leave his room except for Seungri. Once everyone was out Jiyong sat down in his chair with his head in his hands. His heart was racing from the fear that was coursing through his body. He had never expected the eldest member to be so violent. When he finally had his breathing and heart under control he looked up at Seungri who stood there playing with his bracelet.

 

“Why did you do that?” Jiyong asked in a low tone.

“Because we don’t need discourse in the group. We need to be a united front and if me lying will get us there then so be it.”

“Thank you Seungri.”

“I didn’t do it for you, I did it for the fans. If we weren’t about to start this tour I would have gladly sat back and watched Seunghyun pummel you into the ground.”

 

Jiyong’s eyes widened at the remark, he wasn’t expecting that kind of response.

 

“I want you to understand something. Last night was everything I had been missing and wanting since you broke my heart. You have no idea the kind of pain I have been going through. I know what we did was wrong and should never had happened and part of me regrets it right now. I just hope you know that it won’t ever happen again. I don’t ever want you to touch me again. I don’t ever want you in my apartment again. I will continue to be the happy maknae of Bigbang when I need to be, I will play my part of the nyogntory fan service. But outside of that I want nothing to do with you Kwon Jiyong.”

 

Jiyong would be lying if it didn’t feel like he was just stabbed in the gut. The tone in Seungri’s voice was so calm but it was filled with so much malice that Jiyong worried that if he stepped out of line if it would be Seungri delivering the blows and not Seunghyun.

 

“Seungri I am sorry about last night.” Jiyong began but was cut off.

“I was the one who started it and I should have never done that.”

“We were both at fault then.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I know where I stand with you. I just need you to keep yourself in line and not overstep boundaries. You have a girlfriend, you want to get married and to have a family. I respect your wishes even if it hurts me. Just respect my wishes, don’t step over the line when it comes to my personal life. You have no say in who I spend time with, who I take to bed, and who I choose to spend my life with. You lost that right.”

 

Another jab to the gut, Jiyong was starting to feel queasy.

 

“Seungri…”

“No Jiyong. I don’t want to hear anything. Just do as I say, and we will be fine.”

 

Seungri didn’t give Jiyong the chance to answer before walking out of the room and right to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet he finally let all his emotions loose. He had to be strong in there. He had to put on the front so that Jiyong would know he wasn’t messing around. When in reality he wanted Jiyong to come back to him. He wanted more nights like the night before. But it was only a fantasy he was dreaming. What happened the night before would never happen again, and it broke his heart.

The performance that night was high on energy. The fans were explosive with their cheers and screams of joy. The sets they performed were colorful and fast paced. Every member was having so much fun being back together. Daesung was acting seductive as he usually would, Seunghyun was ever the playful Bingu, Youngbae was the one to bounce back and forth between the group. Seungri was the silly maknae everyone knew and loved trying to avoid the advances of the flirtatious Jiyong. Every time the fans called the nyogntory skits fan service they had no idea just how much the couple had enjoyed touching and actually kissing on stage. Yet now it was a different story. Seungri’s heart broke every time Jiyong got close and their faces would be inches apart. Trying to keep his smile on his face was a challenge when all he wanted to do was cry. By the end of the night after they had left the stage for the final time the group was laughing and jumping all over each other. Seunghyun even was being playful with Jiyong, the fight they had before was no longer in their memory. Seungri keeping to his promise to keep up with the lie also played along. Either his acting was improving, or everyone was just jaded with their first concert in years, no one seemed to notice how much he was dying on the inside.

Arriving back home Seungri went right for the bottle of wine in his fridge. Not bothering with a glass he took it into his bedroom and laid in bed gulping the red sweet yet bitter liquid down. He didn’t want to feel anymore that night, he just wanted to slip into a dreamless sleep. The liquor did its job and before he was finished with the bottle he had fallen asleep letting the bottle fall to the floor spilling its contents out.

The next morning Seungri woke up with his mouth feeling like it was full of cotton balls. Walking out of his room he kicked the empty bottle across the floor. Not bothering to pick it up he went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face before getting a glass of water. His head ached, and he dreaded another day of performances. At what point would enough be enough. How much more pain would he have to endure before this charade either got easier or ended.

Arriving at the venue everyone was still riding the high from the night before. Putting on the mask of a happy maknae he walked around to all the members greeting them. The performance tonight would be similar to the one before. Seungri gulped down his water before he took Jiyong to the side.

“I want less nyongtory stuff today.”

“The fans eat that up, it makes them go crazy! We can’t just cut that out.”

“I didn’t say cut it out, but I want less of it.”

“Weren’t you the one who said this was all for the fans?”

“I did, and it was also me who said you needed to respect boundaries and yesterday you went too far.”

“Don’t worry about things maknae, just enjoy it.”

 

It was Jiyong’s turn to leave before Seungri had a chance to object. Throwing the now empty water bottle in the trash Seungri took a moment to calm himself down before he returned to finish getting ready. Tonight was going to be another long night and he was going to need to make a stop off at the liquor store.


	7. Chapter 7

The flashing lights and cheers from the crowd was always a great distraction for Seungri. Whenever in the past he was feeling upset or down prior to a performance he would instantly feel better when he heard the fans cheering. The fans were his own ball of happiness that he enjoyed basking in.

A smile was spread ear to ear as he danced around the stage with Daesung. The other members sat off to the side laughing at the maknae line. Seungri led Daesung around the stage twirling him around before replacing his hand on his hip. At the end of the dance Seungri dipped Daesung before giving him a kiss on the cheek causing the fans to erupt in cheers and screams.

The two stood up and turned to the crowd giving them a bow before returning to their spots. While Seunghyun and Youngbae were laughing and enjoying the show the younger two were putting on it was Jiyong who was putting on his fake smile for the fans. Inside he was fighting his usual battle over what he should and shouldn’t be doing. Memories again were flooding his mind. Jiyong and Seungri dancing around the dorm back in their younger years. Then more dancing but this time in Jiyong’s apartment. The night was peaceful, and he could remember the taste of wine on Seungri’s lips as he kissed him when it was him dipping Seungri at the end of their dance.

The change of music shook Jiyong from his memories. Now was not the time for him to be emotional, he needed to be Gdragon. Moving from his spot he moved around to the choreography and sang his parts. The charismatic persona that the fans craved came out as he moved his body and glared out into the cameras. This was the man the fans wanted, the man they would only except. The reason why he couldn’t be Kwon Jiyong, the man who loved Seungri. The fans would never come to terms that he was in love with a man. Even the ones who were always shouting Nyongtory, he doubted they would even support their relationship.

As the song came to an end Jiyong moved towards the lift that would take him down. A quick wardrobe change was needed as Youngbae sang his solo song. Jiyong guzzled the water down as the stylist moved around him making sure everything was on point. Jiyong looked around the area watching the other members also going through their change. Seunghyun would be up next for a solo so that Youngbae could come down to change. Jiyong paused on Seungri who was sitting in the corner his head resting on the wall with his eyes closed. His chest rose and fell as he tried to catch his breath.

Again, Jiyong was assaulted by memories of past performance breaks. Ones where Jiyong would be next to Seungri either resting his head on his shoulder or helping make sure his outfit was right. Memories of Seungri cradling his head in his lap and running his fingers through Jiyong’s hair. Jiyong didn’t realize how long he had been standing there as everyone moved about him but when he heard Doom Dada start to pick up pace he knew it was time to get ready. Closing his eyes Jiyong tried to center himself before getting on the lift to move up.

The venue was dark as the beginning of the song started to filter through the speakers. Just as Jiyong started his part of the song the lights flashed on and the members began moving about the stage each taking turns singing their parts.

When Seungri got to his part of the song Jiyong was right there behind him hugging him from behind. Jiyong felt his heart rate pick up the second he wrapped his arms around him. With his face hidden behind Seungri’s broad shoulders he let himself smile and breath in, a small tear threatened to escape but Jiyong moved his head causing Seungri’s shirt to wipe it away.

The fans cheered loudly at the Nyongtory fan service. Seungri did his best to keep the positive look on his face meanwhile inside he wanted to cry. Being held by Jiyong this way was never easy. His own memories of the countless times Jiyong would do this flooded his mind. Seungri needed space between him and Jiyong. Turning around in Jiyong’s arms he surprised his ex lover, raising his hand he placed it on Jiyong’s face as he sang the last bit of his part to him.

Jiyong was caught off guard but mesmerized by Seungri. Loosening his grip he stood there with his hands gently resting on Seungri’s hips.  When Seungri finished his part he felt the thin fabric of Seungri’s shirt slip through his fingers. Before Jiyong could grasp onto him Seungri had already moved away and was out of reach, leaving Jiyong there with his empty hand held out.

After the concert the boys went backstage to change out of their clothes. The members were all going to go out for a late meal together so each of them were utilizing the showers on hand. Youngbae was the first one in followed by Daesung and Seunghyun. Seungri followed suit laughing as he heard Daesung cry out in laughter from something Seunghyun had done. Jiyong stood back going through his phone answering messages from his family and his girlfriend.

When he first started dating her he was happy and excited over the prospect of what was to come. The idea of a future that included a family made him happy beyond words. Yet lately the girl had been pestering him to meet her family, which he knew would lead to talks about marriage. This is what he had wanted so why was he hesitating so much. Throwing his phone back into his bag he grabbed a towel before storming off to the showers. Youngbae had come out already, Daesung was on his way out with Seunghyun both with towels over their hair as they rubbed it around trying to dry it. That meant that Seungri was alone in the shower

Jiyong pushed open the door of the shower room, steam filled the room making the hot air fill his lungs. He could hear Seungri humming a cheerful tune, he always did this when he showered. Jiyong remembered the many times he would be in the bathroom brushing his teeth listening to Seungri come up with silly songs. He often wondered why Seungri never tried to write them down because some of them weren’t that bad. Jiyong walked slowly up to Seungri from behind, pausing briefly to take in the man’s appearance. Water was running down his body as he rubbed the soap all around himself. Jiyong bit on his lip as he approached Seungri. Seungri jumped as he felt Jiyong come up behind him, Jiyong’s chest making contact with Seungri’s back caused him to stop washing and to gasp.

 

“Let me help you with that.” Jiyong whispered into Seungri’s ear.

“I am good hyung, thanks for the offer but I have this under control.”

 

Seungri tried to move forward but Jiyong had him stuck in the spot. Seungri felt Jiyong’s hands move around his body making the soap lather. Closing his eyes Seungri tried to keep himself emotional less but the way Jiyong’s hands felt on his body was too much. Jiyong knew he hand Seungri when he felt him relax under his touch and lean back into him. Jiyong did his best to keep his breathing calm but a harsh breath left his body as his hand moved lower to find Seungri already hard member. Jiyong pushed his own hardening member up against Seungri’s ass thankful for the water that was acting as a lubricant. Jiyong reached his hand for Seungri’s cock slowly pumping it.

 

“Ji..” Seungri moaned out, had Jiyong not been right next to him he might have missed it.

 

Jiyong continued pumping Seungri’s dick as he slid his own cock in between Seungri’s juicy cheeks. Happy that maknae had kept up with his exercises and that aging had been good to him in regard to where he gained weight. Opening his mouth Jiyong began planting soft opened mouth kisses along Seungri’s neck causing him to moan out. Jiyong switched hands so that his right one could come up and guide Seungri’s face to his silencing his moans with a kiss. Jiyong’s eyes fluttered closed as he fought Seungri for dominance, their tongues colliding as Jiyong quickened his pace. Both men could feel the heat building in their bodies, both of them moaned loudly into their mouths losing all sense of where they were. That was until the bathroom door opened and Seunghyun’s voice echoed off the walls.

 

“Maknae, if you don’t get out of the shower you will be all pruney and I don’t want to listen to you cry about wrinkly fingers over diner. Jiyong hurry up too! I am starving!”

 

Seungri shot his eyes opened and tore himself away Jiyong. Turning around to face his ex lover he held onto the wall for support. Staring down Jiyong who was left standing there with a raging hard on he glared at him.

 

“I told you to never touch me.” Seungri growled out.

“You weren’t fighting me, you liked it.” Jiyong crossed his arms as he gazed upon Seungri’s still hard member.

“That doesn’t matter! You don’t get the right to touch me. Try it again and I will break you Jiyong!”

“Ri we both know you won’t do anything.”

“We shall see about that.”

 

Seungri stormed past Jiyong out of the bathroom with a towel over his waist. Jiyong alone in the shower slammed his hand against the wet tile as he let a loud “Fuck” to ring out through the empty bathroom shower.

All the members were loaded up in the van as they were driven to the restaurant. They were all laughing and joking around except Seungri who was sitting with his arms crossed looking out the window. Jiyong who sat in the row behind him couldn’t take his eyes off Seungri, it was as if there were two little Jiyong’s sitting on his shoulder. One who knew what he was doing was wrong, he was with someone and Seungri was no longer his. Then there was the other Jiyong who didn’t give a damn, that evil Jiyong wanted to finish what they had started in the shower. Jiyong turned his attention to the eldest who had his arm around Daesung, had he not interrupted them they would both be sitting happily in this van.

When the van arrived at the restaurant the members unloaded and walked in stopping to waive to fans who happened to be there. They were led to a private area and when the doors opened they were all met by another guest. Sitting at the table playing on his phone was the last man Jiyong wanted to see.

 

“I was starting to think you guys weren’t going to show.” Mino smiled as he stood up and gave his elders a bow

 

Daesung walked up to him with Seungri and clapped the young man on the back before Mino pulled Seungri into a hug. Seungri was surprised but returned the hug, he had been so busy he didn’t get to see Mino much. Jiyong on the other hand stood back next to Seunghyun sending death glares at the younger man.

 

“What is he doing here?” Jiyong asked in a low voice.

“The maknae seemed a bit down, I figured Mino would cheer him up.” Seunghyun said in a gloating manner.

 

Jiyong was no fool, Seunghyun must have caught on to what was going on with Seungri in the bathroom. Youngbae came up next to Jiyong grabbing him and pulling him to the table so he sat right in front of Seungri. With everyone seated they ordered some drinks and food.

Seungri could feel the glares Jiyong was sending his way but chose to ignore them. He had no right to be acting the way he was. Instead he concentrated on Mino who was a breath of fresh air. He had missed him and their nights of drama watching.

 

“Mino just be warned the maknae hates when his fingers get all wrinkly from the water. He was in there a bit too long tonight, so his fingers are pruney. If he starts complaining just feel free to shut him up with a kiss.” Seunghyun said in a teasing manner followed by a chuckle.

“Hyung stop your embarrassing him!” Seungri chided as he looked at Mino who was staring into the glass with a bit of pink tinge to his cheeks.

“I’m only giving him some tips. Another tip, when your lover has pruney tips it adds to the feel of them on you.”

“Seunghyun!” It was Daesung this time to jump in to help stop the elder from embarrassing the maknae and Mino.

 

Jiyong sat across from the table feeling the anger build up inside him as he heard Seunghyun giving advice to the younger men. Jiyong scoffed as he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, he doubted Mino would even know how to handle Seungri in the way that Jiyong knew he liked it.

 

“Don’t listen to that big oaf, he just likes to tease.” Seungri said as he grabbed Mino’s plate and began adding the newly arrived food to it.

“It’s ok, I am used to it. The guys all love to tease each other so it doesn’t bother me.” Mino replied as he took the plate thanking Seungri.

 

Watching the two interact was like watching love sick newlyweds. It was sickening. Jiyong reached across the table for the bottle of liquor and poured himself a glass. There was no way he was going to handle this night sober. Jiyong downed the drink in one shot before pouring himself another and downing it. Youngbae reached over and took the bottle from Jiyong placing it out of arms reach of him. Last thing they needed was a drunk angry Kwon.

The night continued with the men talking about past performances and their favorite ones. Talking about how much their fans meant to them and their dreams of the future. Jiyong listened as Daesung talked about wanting to act more along with Seunghyun saying he wanted to as well and would love to star in a movie with Daesung. Youngbae said he just wanted to make his new family happy and be there for all the important things. Jiyong smiled and said he wanted a family too eventually and he would like to start his own label maybe. Seungri swirled his wine around in his cup as he thought over what he wanted. Taking a sip, he sat his glass down before talking softly.

 

“I want to be happy. I want to continue with expanding my business. I want to make sure my parents are happy and taken care of. When all that is done I want to find someone to love me, someone to build my life with. Someone to start a family with.”

 

Everyone around the table staid quiet, they knew that was always Seungri’s wish…except that it was supposed to be with Jiyong.

 

“Ri you will have that and then some. You are the most kind and loving man I have ever known. You deserve nothing but the world.” Mino said as he laid his hand on top of Seungri’s that was on the table.

 

Jiyong wasn’t blind and saw the way Mino was looking up at Seungri, he recognized that look because he had seen it many times in his own reflection. The only thing that made Jiyong happy about the whole situation was that Seungri only smiled but didn’t lift his gaze to meet Mino’s. Clearing his throat Jiyong changed the subject to tour and what was coming up with it. They might be out for fun, but they needed to keep their head in the game. They still had more stops in Korea before they started their Japan leg of the tour.

While Seunghyun and Daesung were discussing art concepts for album covers Jiyong noticed Seungri get up to excuse himself to the bathroom. Jiyong waited a couple of minutes before slipping off himself. Walking into the bathroom he closed the door softly before locking the door so that no one could enter. Standing against the bathroom sink Jiyong waited for Seungri to exit a stall.

Opening the door in his slightly buzzed haze Seungri noticed Jiyong. Rolling his eyes, he moved over to the sink and began washing his hands. He could feel Jiyong’s eyes on him as he moved about and when he went to move towards the air-drying machine Jiyong’s hand reached out pulling Seungri back to stand in front of him. Seungri moved his face and crossed his arms against his chest. He had enough of Jiyong for the night and refused to make eye contact with him.

 

“You know you are very cute when you are drunk, and even sexier when you are angry and drunk.” The words left Jiyong’s lips in a seductive way but Seungri felt proud of himself that he did not let the words affect him.

“Let me go Jiyong.”

“Why? Let’s continue what we started.”

“What? Here in a bathroom? Have you gone mad?” Seungri asked as he finally made eye contact, which was a mistake. He quickly averted his eyes, Jiyong was buzzed himself and had the look on his face that got Seungri doing whatever Jiyong wanted.

“Then let’s go back to your place.”

“No thanks. Pass.”

“You were enjoying it so much back there Ri, I know you want to finish. You hate going to bed unsatisfied.”

“I will handle my problems myself. Now let me go!” Seungri unfolded his arms and pushed back against Jiyong. Both men in their buzzed state had no energy to put a up a fight and Seungri stumbled back but Jiyong was able to keep him upright.

“Don’t try to deny that you want me.”

“I won’t deny it. But I also won’t make the same mistakes twice Jiyong. I won’t go back down that road with you. You have a partner, I won’t be the other man in a relationship.”

 

Shaking off Jiyong’s hand Seungri moved to the bathroom door and unlocked it before opening it. Jiyong had moved forward to grab onto Seungri’s hand and neither of the two noticed they now had an audience.

 

“Everything ok?” Mino asked as he looked up the scene in front of him.

“Get lost.” Jiyong said just as Seungri said “Everything is fine.”

“Ok…well the hyungs are ready to go so we should be going as well. Ri why don’t I give you a ride home.” Mino asked as he glanced between Jiyong’s hand and Seungri’s face.

 

Shaking Jiyong’s hand off Seungri moved to stand closer to Mino.

 

“Don’t worry about the maknae, I will make sure he gets home.” Jiyong said as he moved to grab Seungri’s hand again but Seungri stepped back out of his reach.

“It’s fine hyung, besides don’t you have a girlfriend waiting for you at home?” Mino added as he moved to stand between Jiyong and Seungri.

“Leave Mino.”

“We wouldn’t want to make your girlfriend wait for you. Don’t worry about Seungri, I will make sure he gets home safe and sound. I know how to get him to sleep, he will be fine and well rested for tomorrow.”

 

Jiyong could only let a low growl build in his chest as he watched Mino turn around and push Seungri out of the bathroom and away from him. That damn boy was really getting on Jiyong’s nerve, he needed to keep his nose out of their business. Jiyong felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, reaching in he pulled it out to see the caller ID of his girlfriend. Rolling his eyes he sent her to voicemail, he could only handle one annoyance tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

Youngbae stood against the wall across from the bathroom door waiting for his best friend. Daesung and Seunghyun had already left with Daesung’s manager. Mino had called in a driver and took Seungri home. Seungri. The Maknae. Everyone’s favorite panda. Youngbae loved the man like a brother and hated how things had turned out between the two men in his life.

The door to the bathroom opened and Youngbae pushed off the wall and grabbed his best friend’s wrist pulling him to the waiting car. Shoving Jiyong into the backseat Youngbae climbed in after him slamming the door shut. He didn’t want to do this, but shit needed to be said.

 

“Jiyong you’re my best friend and you’re family.”

“I know.”

“As long as you know that’s what matters, but I have some stuff I need to say.”

“Can it wait, I am tired.”

“No. I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but whatever it is you need to get your shit straight. You are with Soo-Min now, you are no longer with Seungri. Don’t you ever stop to think about how your girlfriend would feel if she knew what you were doing behind her back? I get it, you and Seungri never had the chance to work through things nor get the closure needed.”

“I don’t..” Jiyong tried to get a word in but was cut off.

“No, you need to shut your mouth and listen to me. You are going to end up destroying this group! We have all worked so much to get where we are, and I won’t stand by and watch you destroy that all because you can’t figure out what you want. You decided on your own that you wanted a family and didn’t give two shits about how this would affect Seungri. You are the most selfish man I have ever known, and you need to cut this shit out! You need to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about how your actions affect other people. You can’t have it both ways, it’s not fair to Soo-Min or Seungri. You either break things off with her and beg on your knees like the dog you are for Seungri to take you back or you stop everything with Seungri and stay faithful to Soo-Min. I swear to god I will tell Soo-Min myself what you are doing if you don’t cut this shit out. I understand you are scared about what the fans would say about you, but you need to stick to what you want. Everyone is here to support you in your choices, but we won’t support you in destroying the group and the bond we all have. Everyone loves you Jiyong but Seunghyun will stay with Seungri and you know Daesung will follow him. You need to seriously take some time to think about how you want your life to turn out. Is your choice really worth the consequences?”

 

Jiyong sat back in his seat, his head leaning on the cold window as he listened to Youngbae chew him out. He couldn’t even fight him on what he was saying because it was all true. He knew he was being selfish, but he just didn’t know what he really wanted anymore. Things were so easy when Seungri wasn’t here right in front of him. It was easy to break things off with him and move onto Soo-min, but now things weren’t easy.

The next day was an off day for the members, a day to relax before they were to head to their next venue outside of Seoul. The other members were off relaxing with their family or in the comfort of their home. Jiyong himself was currently at home sitting on his bed just staring off into space. Youngbae’s words from the night before kept replaying in his head. He needed to figure out what he wanted. Did he want to try again with Seungri, to give up his want for a family. To live as himself Kwon Jiyong. Or did he want to give up on Seungri and concentrate on Soo-Min, to finally have his own family but to live as Gdragon until he left the industry. Jiyong reached for the pillow next to him bringing it to his face screaming into it. He was beyond frustrated with himself. Seungri had been such a big part of his life for so many years, could he give up on that? If he chose Soo-Min he would still have Seungri in his life just as a friend only, could he do that? The phone ringing at his side took him from his thoughts, lifting it up the screen displayed that it was his girlfriend.

 

“Hello.” Jiyong said into the receiver.

“I have been trying to call you, why don’t you ever call me back.”

“I have been busy. I am sorry, what did you need?”

“My parents are having dinner tonight and they want you there, it’s not a request either.”

“I am pretty tired.”

“Jiyong, you have been putting this off for a while now. What is wrong?”

“Nothing, you know things were going to be busy.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just ignore me.”

“I am not trying to ignore you.”

“Jiyong I am your girlfriend and you need to make time for me.”

Jiyong let out a sigh into the receiver, tired of fighting with her. “What time should I be there?”  
“I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Pick me up around 5.”

“Ok.”

“I love you Jiyong.”

“Me too.”

 

Clicking the end button Jiyong tossed the phone aside before climbing off the bed and going towards the shower.

Jiyong arrived at Soo-Min’s apartment just on time and waited for her in his car. When she finally got to the car Jiyong felt his breath disappear from his lungs. She was in a blue flower dress that hugged her top before flowing out at the waist. Her hair was slightly curled bouncing with each step she took towards him. She got in the car and turned to him smiling, her small glossy pink lips pulled up to reveal her white teeth.

 

“I thought you might try and get out of this.”

“I am sorry.”

“It’s ok, you are here now.”

Jiyong moved across the center console to give her a light kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful.” He said as he moved back.

“Thank you, you look very handsome yourself.”

 

The rest of the drive to her parents’ house Jiyong listened to her talk about her day, about how she was so excited to have a night with him. About how she had missed him and how she wasn’t sure how she was going to survive when he leaves for the rest of the tour. Jiyong smiled and reached for her hand bringing it to his lips to lay a small kiss on her knuckles.

Arriving at her parents’ house Jiyong parked the car before getting out to open the door for her. Soo-Min got out of the car linking her arm instantly with Jiyong before the two walked up to the door. Soo-Min’s mother answered the door welcoming the couple inside. Before dinner was served the couple sat in the living room talking with Soo-Min’s father. The conversation was light, questions about the concert and about work. When dinner was finally served they continued the discussions as they slowly ate. It wasn’t until after dinner that the topic got more serious.

 

“So, what are your plans for the future Jiyong?” Soo-Min’s father asked.

“To continue with work and to hopefully start a family of my own.”

“That is good to hear, we are very both eager to have grandchildren soon. How many kids do you think you want?”

Jiyong looked briefly at his girlfriend as she sat there smiling, he couldn’t believe he was being asked this type of thing. “I am not sure maybe two?” He answered.

“Do you want a summer of fall wedding?” Soo-Min’s mother asked.

“I haven’t really thought about that yet.” Jiyong was super confused about why they were getting so interested in things.

“Well either one would be nice.” Soo-Min’s mother hummed as she grabbed the empty coffee cups and brought them into the kitchen.

“It is late, I imagine you two want to spend time together. Just know we aren’t as old fashioned as some people. You don’t need to come to me for her hand. Feel free to ask her whenever.”

 

Jiyong stood when Soo-Min’s father did and shook his hand before walking out of the house with Soo-Min. Jiyong drove Soo-Min home and when they arrived she asked him to come up. Jiyong agreed and parked the car before going up with her. The two sat on her couch watching a movie, it was a comedy thankfully as Jiyong was in no mood for a romance. Every time Soo-Min threw her head back to laugh Jiyong couldn’t help but watch her face, a small smile on his own. She really was beautiful. Jiyong turned towards the television lost in his thoughts. He had been with Seungri for many years but now he was with Soo-Min, the guilt from everything he had done behind her started building up inside him. He needed to do right by her and that meant giving up on Seungri.

The next day when the members all go together to move to the next location for their performances Seungri was grabbed by the wrist and dragged away by Jiyong. The last thing Seungri wanted was to deal with Jiyong and his weird mood swings. When Jiyong was far enough away from the other members he had let go of Seungri and stayed silent for a minute before beginning.

 

“I wanted to apologize for how I have been acting.”

“Ok?” Seungri crossed his arms looking at Jiyong with apprehension, again the mood swings.

“No really, I should never had done any of that. It’s not fair to you are Soo-Min.”

 

The name of Jiyong’s girlfriend was like a little slice to Seungri’s heart. He didn’t think he was ever going to get over the betrayal and heartache.

 

“I hope you can forgive me.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“I wouldn’t blame you, but for the sake of the group I hope we can move past this.”

“I will try.”

“Good, I will try and also tone down the whole nyogntory stuff too.”

 

Seungri could only nod his head as a lump was beginning to make itself a home in Seungri’s throat. This felt like Jiyong was breaking up with him all over again. Seungri would be lying if he said that he never wanted Jiyong back, a part of him wanted Jiyong to realize his mistake and to come crawling back to him. Yeah Seungri would have made his life hell but who was he kidding he would have taken Jiyong back in heartbeat.

True to Jiyong’s words, at the next performance Jiyong wasn’t all over Seungri like he had been in the past. He kept a respectful distance and was more playful then anything, like he was with the other members. At the end of the night on the way to the hotel room Seungri sat in the way back of the van, wanting space from everyone. The sadness that Seungri had been working so hard to push away had been creeping up on him since Jiyong apologized. Yes, he was grateful for his words of apology, but he just wished they were never needed to be spoken in the first place.

Arriving at the hotel the members got out of the van and were walking through the lobby when a bright cheerful voice broke through the quiet chatter of the people around them. Looking towards the waiting area Seungri saw exactly who the voice belonged too. Standing up and walking towards the members was none other than Soo-Min.

 

“Surprise!” She said in a happy voice as she quickly attached herself to Jiyong.

“What are you doing here?” Jiyong asked as he slid his arm around her waist.

“I wanted to surprise you and treat you all to a late meal or maybe some drinks. We never get to all go out and I figured now would be a great time.”

 

The members all looked at each other, she was only trying to be nice but none of them were sure how to go about this with the sudden arrival. Seungri stuck his hand inside his pocket, he needed to get over this eventually for the wellbeing of the group.

 

“That sounds like a lovely idea.” Seungri said as he stepped forward donning the cheerful panda mask that was reserved for times he needed to hide his pain.

“Excellent! I am so happy I finally get to have dinner with you.”

 

Soo-Min detached herself from Jiyong and moved over to Seungri with a childlike smile on her face. Ever the charming man Seungri gently took her hand and linked it through his arm and smiled down at her before leading the way out of the hotel. The rest of the members including Jiyong were surprised by the sudden change. They had all expected Seungri to decline and go up to his room. Following the two they all made their way down the street and to a small little restaurant.

Once inside they decided to just order some drinks and snacks. None of them wanted anything heavy as they had another performance the next night. Again, Seungri surprised everyone as he led the majority of the conversation and was treating this as an MC gig. He was all smiles and exuded happiness from himself. Seungri answered every question Soo-Min had for him until she got to the topic of dating.

 

“So, tell me is there a special lady in your life?”

 

The members all grabbed their drinks taking a sip as they waited for Seungri to break his performance, but he never did.

 

Smiling at Soo-Min he poured her another glass, “No at this time I haven’t had any free time to actually go out and meet someone special. It’s been none stop work since I got out of the army. But I hope that in the future I can meet someone who will love me for me.”

“You should let me play match maker, I know so many girls who would suit you.”

“You are too kind, but it wouldn’t be fair to them with how busy I am about to be.”

Jiyong wasn’t liking where this conversation was going and decided to change the topic. “Soo-Min you should tell them about your new fashion designs. Seunghyun you know is all about art and since you are designing clothes around famous pieces I bet he would have lots to talk about.”

 

That was all it took for Soo-Min to change her target and she began chatting away a mile a minute about clothing material, patterns, styles, and cuts. Which once you got the eldest member talking about art, he could talk your ear off until the break of dawn. Seungri sat back with a happy mask on as he watched the two discuss things. The whole time inside he wanted to be as far away from this situation as he could get. When it got to be too much for him Seungri stood excusing himself to the bathroom.

Jiyong also stood to excuse himself needing a smoke and walked in the opposite direction. Jiyong had to hand it to Seungri for being so mature about this. Had he been in his shoes he would have fought tooth and nail and played dirty with the woman who had stolen Seungri from him. But Seungri was never the vindictive kind of person, he would never be the one to hurt another like he himself had done. Placing the cigarette to his lips Jiyong inhaled the smoke. The red ember of the end of his cigarette glowed brightly illuminating his face. Jiyong blew out the smoke as he lowered the cigarette flicking it with his finger to ash it. The sounds of heels hitting the pavement caught his attention and he turned to see Soo-Min coming up to him. She went right to his side placing her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his chest. Jiyong held her close and flicked his cigarette bud onto the ground before bringing his other arm around her. The two gazed upon each other before Jiyong dipped his head to capture her lips.

It was at that moment the rest of the members walked out as well including Seungri who witnessed the couple in their intimate moment. The sight of the two embracing each other hurt but not like the emotional pain he felt in his heart watching the man he loved kiss another. He watched as the couple continued to kiss ignorant at the fact they had others watching them until Seunghyun cleared his throat. The two separated apologizing before the group made their way back to the hotel. Everyone was quiet as they walked behind the happy couple who was holding hands. Seungri was at the far back of the group, Daesung tried to get him to talk but he only answered in grunts and other sounds. When they got to the hotel they all piled into the elevator taking them up to their floor. Again, Seungri was at the back hoping that his view of the couple would be hindered by another member but sadly the stars were not feeling kind to the heartbroken man. Looking towards the door he had the perfect view of Jiyong smiling down at his girlfriend moving the hair out of her face before kissing her on the cheek.

Exiting the elevator, they continued on their way to their rooms. Seungri was ever thankful that he had gotten a room as far from Jiyong as possible, he wouldn’t have made it through the night had he had to listen to their love making. Seungri watched as Jiyong and Soo-min entered Jiyong’s room before shutting the door. The three remaining members shared a glance between each other having a silent conversation. They needed to make sure their youngest member was ok with everything. Seunghyun nodded his head before moving towards Seungri.

 

“You ok?” He asked in a soft voice.

“I am fine hyung, just tired.”

“Ok, do you wanna come sleep in my room?”

“No, I will be ok. I am just going to get to bed. Thanks for the offer.”

 

Seungri put on his best smile and looked up and the eldest member before walking towards his door and entering his room. Shutting the door behind him he leaned back on it mentally trying to will the pain away. Unable to make the pain disappear from his body he walked over to the bathroom and stripped all his clothes off before climbing in the shower. Letting the water wash over him he pictured it as if it was washing away the pain he had endured today. When he was done washing he turned the water off and grabbed a towel heading towards his bed. The pain was still there, he had been trying to find ways to work through the pain so that he would not carry it with himself. As he laid in bed he went over every technique he had found online but none were helping. The pain only grew as he kept picturing Jiyong with his girlfriend. Grabbing the pillow, he pulled it to his chest and he turned to the side and letting the tears fall from his eyes. How was he ever going to be able to see them together like that?


	9. Chapter 9

Waking up the next day Seungri felt the pressure behind his eyes and knew he would look like shit before he even went into the bathroom. Grabbing a wash cloth Seungri ran the water as cold as possible before drenching the wash cloth in water and tossing it in the freezer of the mini fridge. By the time he got out of the shower and was dressed the wet washcloth was partially frozen when he grabbed it out of the fridge. Laying on the bed he applied it to his eyes hoping to help ease away the puffiness from the night before. As he laid there Seungri kept going over the events of yesterday. He needed to find away to make this easier on himself. He knew that there would be more days like today in the future and he had to figure out how to deal with them. The knock at the door was his signal that he was out of time and needed to go out and face everyone, grabbing his sunglasses off the dresser in the room he made his way to the door.

The car ride to the venue Seunghyun and Daesung kept looking at each other before looking back at Seungri who sat in the back again with his arms crossed and head leaning on the window. Clearly the maknae had a hard night with his choice of sunglasses, meanwhile Jiyong sat up front happily talking away with Youngbae. Both of the men were worried with how Seungri was going to be this morning, if he was going to be able to handle the fact that Jiyong’s girlfriend would be at the concert tonight.

Youngbae did his best to listen to his best friend who was happily chatting away about music. Yet he couldn’t help but feel unease come from the backseat that held the maknae. He hadn’t heard him speak at all this morning but noticed a bit of puffiness to his face. Youngbae was hoping Jiyong had picked a different path after their talk. Youngbae felt the disappointment fill his heart for his best friend when he didn’t pick the maknae over girlfriend. Had he just done that then things would have been different. The group could have gone back to their old ways and there wouldn’t be this unspoken divide in the group. Youngbae feared for what was going to come, he felt it in his bones that something bad was coming and he had no idea how to stop it.

Arriving at the venue the members unloaded and went to the stage to begin the soundcheck. The night of restless sleep and none stop tears was not helping Seungri’s concentration. More than once Seungri had bumped into a member because he was at the wrong mark for the song. More than once he slipped up in his lyrics. Seunghyun and Daesung tried to cover up for Seungri but Jiyong was not having it. Jiyong marched his angry body over towards Seungri who had just spun right into Youngbae.

 

“Seungri is this a joke? Are you drunk!?” Jiyong angrily asked.

“Sorry hyung, I will do better.” Seungri said in his broken hoarse voice.

“What is wrong with you?”

“I stayed up late going over some emails.”

“Don’t do that anymore, save those for another time. We don’t need to mess up in front of everyone.”

“Sorry hyung.”

 

Jiyong walked back to his area as Youngbae tried to console the maknae. Seunghyun could feel his anger starting to rekindle itself, how dare Jiyong be so mean towards the maknae? Was he ever in love with him? It wouldn’t make sense for someone who claimed to have loved another to not even notice when said person was lying right to his face. Daesung saw the eldest clench the microphone in his hand and knew he needed to diffuse the situation. Grabbing onto Seunghyun’s free hand he tugged on it. Turning to Daesung he bent down to hear what Daesung wanted to say.

 

“Hyung please not now. We have so much going on. Please if you let this go for now I will talk to my art friend in Tokyo.” Daesung whispered into Seunghyun’s ear.

Surprised, Seunghyun stood up right before leaning back down to whisper in Daesung’s ear. “For you I will let this go.”

Laughing Daesung moved passed him, “you mean for the Art you will let this go.”

 

With the sound check complete the members moved into the back to start getting ready. In the showers Seungri did his very best to pull himself together. While his heart may be broken beyond repair he knew it wasn’t fair to the fans to give them a bad performance. Coming out of the shower he put his mask on with a wide panda like smile. Sitting down in the makeup chair he was asked about his large puffy eyes and he just smiled and made a smart-ass remark about being a business man and how business men never get to sleep. After makeup he went to get his clothes on and that’s when Youngbae took his chance to talk to him.

 

“Maknae how are you doing?”

“I’m fine hyung, I’m sorry about earlier. I won’t be messing up anymore.”

“You didn’t have any emails, did you?”

“Hyung of course I did. There are some new Aori shops that need final say on things. Plus, NHR stuff and YGX stuff.”

“Seungri, you know you can come to me about anything. He might be my best friend, but you are my maknae and you deserve someone to be in your corner.”

“He has me in his corner, always and forever.” Seunghyun added as he swung his arm around the maknae’s shoulder.

“Hyung I’m glad he has you in his corner.” Youngbae said as he clapped Seunghyun on the shoulder before going off to get himself dressed.  

 

The concert went off like it should, Seungri was true to his words and didn’t mess up once. If anything, he was extra silly and was playing around with all the members of the band. He had a big smile on his face and even twirled around with Jiyong. His ability to put on a fake smile and the happy panda act was even surprising to himself. When it came time for them to do their little talk with the crowd Jiyong stepped forward and said that today was a special performance because he had someone watching him from the crowd for the first time. All the members knew who he was referring to and the fans were cheering extra loud. Seungri who was at the opposite end of the stage from him kept his smile on as his heart broken inside even more. In the past when they were doing solo songs or when Jiyong did his solo tour they always had hidden meanings behind things they said. A way for them to show their love for one another but now it was Jiyong who was showing his lover for someone other than Seungri. None of the members could even glance towards the maknae in fear of the fans catching on. Instead they had to play along and hope that the maknae wasn’t falling apart.

By the end of the performance everyone was tired, Seungri’s face was hurting from all the forced smiling he was doing. Following quietly to the back to change Seungri who wasn’t paying attention bumped into Seunghyun’s back.

 

“Ow hyung.” Seungri said as he bounced off and rubbed his nose. When he went to move around the eldest, Seunghyun turned and held him in place shaking his head.

“Look at me, don’t look anywhere else but me.” Seunghyun said in a stern voice.

“Hyung what’s up? I am tired, and I just want to go to sleep.” Seungri said as he shook off Seunghyun’s hands and moved to step away. This time it was Daesung who was blocking his path.

“Seungri how about we go take a peek at the audience and make sure they are all getting out ok.”

“Sure…” Seungri responded to Daesung with his eyebrow raised.

 

The three turned towards the way they came and began walking away but Seungri quick on his feet spun around and slipped between his two hyungs and stopped in his tracks. He should have listened to them, how had he not heard her shrill of a voice. For what was in front of him was something he could have gone without seeing. Jiyong with Soo-Min locked in a lovers embrace with their lips on one another. Seungri wanted to cry but he had a part to play. He didn’t need any more pity from his members. Putting the panda smile back on he turned and waived for his hyung’s to follow him as he walked passed Jiyong he shouted “Get a room” before laughing and going into the changing room.

Seunghyun, Daesung, and Youngbae were all surprised by the way the maknae was handling things. They all shared a glance before following Seungri into the dressing room. While Jiyong still held Soo-min he stood there surprised himself at Seungri, he wasn’t sure if he was joking in a playful way or if he was hurt. Surely if he was hurt he would have gone to Jiyong and asked him to not do that in front of him. With a quick kiss to the cheek he went in to change.

Seungri was pulling his pants up as Jiyong came in, he wanted out of there as quickly as possible. He even wondered if he would be able to get a different ride back to Seoul and claim it was business related since they had a few days off. Grabbing his shirt, he was pulling it on as he felt Jiyong put a hand on his arm. Turning around he found Jiyong standing behind him with a concerned look on his face. His heart did a leap in his chest, yet he pushed the stupid hopeful feelings out of his mind because what he wanted was never going to happen.

 

“Seungri, are we good?” Jiyong asked calmly.

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well I did yell at you earlier and then well…You know that if things make you feel uncomfortable that you can come to me and tell me, right?”

“Yeah, I know hyung, but don’t worry about it. Everything is fine.” Seungri responded as he used all his strength to put a dazzling smile on his face and placed his hand on Jiyong’s shoulder giving him a squeeze.

“Ok good.”

“Well I am off, I have some business that needs my attention, so I am finding my own way back to Seoul.”

 

Seungri grabbed his stuff and walked towards the door. Thankfully one of the staff members who were also staying at the same hotel had driven themselves up and agreed to drive the maknae back to the city.

Arriving back home Seungri quickly showered and emptied his bag of clothes before filling it back up enough for a few days before grabbing his keys and rushing out the door. He needed to be away from everyone and all their glances and their pity. Throwing his bag in the front seat Seungri grabbed his phone from his pocket making sure that any locating apps were turned off so that no one was able to find him. He needed space.

Arriving at the secluded villa outside of Seoul Seungri pulled into the garage and waited for the door to fully close before climbing out. The air in the villa was stale, he hadn’t been here in so long and neither has anyone from his family. This was his own personal hiding space that no one outside of his family knew about. Walking over to the windows he opened them all up before turning on the fans and walking up to the master bedroom. Pulling the white sheet covering the bed off a cloud of dust filled the room making Seungri cough. Seungri tossed the sheet in the corner and went to the window throwing the curtains to the side so that he was able to open the window to ventilate the room. Seungri made quick work of stripping the bed of the current sheets before replacing them with semi fresh ones out of the linen closet.

Falling back onto the bed Seungri stared up at the ceiling into the bright light that lite the room. Standing back up he walked over to the switch and flicked it off drenching the room in complete darkness. The only light was coming from the street lamps outside, shadows from the trees blowing outside danced across the walls opposite of the window. Slowly Seungri made his way back to the bed before laying down.

 

“I refuse to cry over you any longer. How could you do this to me? Did I mean so little to you that you could caste me aside so easily? I loved you with all my soul. I would have given you anything. I would have given you my heart if it meant that you could keep on living. Yet all you could give me was heart ache. I hate you.” Seungri spoke out loud the words he didn’t have the courage to speak directly to Jiyong. Closing his eyes Seungri allowed the tiredness take over.

 

The next morning Seungri found his phone still in the car with many missed calls and text from his hyungs, all of them wondering if he was ok and where he was. Seungri simply put a message to the group chat that he was fine and just handling business and would be back soon. Seunghyun was the first to respond demanding Seungri’s location which Seungri said he was fine but had to run. The notifications started going off as the eldest member was flooding the room with concerned questions. The other members chimed in as well also worried. Seungri knew he would need to make some post so that they wouldn’t worry as much. Opening up his phone he quickly searched through his many pictures until he found one of him at an Aori shop on one of his many visits. Making sure that there was nothing in the background that could give the date of the picture away, he then posted it to Instagram with the caption “working hard” under the photo.

The rest of the day Seungri spent laying around the villa, first he was laying in the living room before moving to the backyard, and then ending up on the floor in bedroom with his feet propped up on the bed. The whole day he hadn’t glanced at his phone since he posted his picture. The thoughts running through his mind all day were of Jiyong and how unfair things were. He thought of getting revenge but knew it wouldn’t matter, Jiyong was over Seungri and probably never loved him to begin with. No Seungri now just needed to live his life the best way he could and to not care what Jiyong thought. Closing his eyes, he tried to freeze his heart and to turn off his emotions. He needed to go back a different man but had no idea how to do it. Getting up off the floor Seungri walked over to the bag that he had retrieved from the car and pulled out a notebook. Laying on the bed he began writing. He wrote out all his emotions and feelings. Wrote about the unfairness and the love he had for Jiyong. Wrote about his loneliness and the fear he had for his future. Seungri used this moment to just unload all his emotions on to the paper, unsure if this would ever be seen by anyone. When the tears started flowing quicker then he could swipe them away he finally set his pen down and allowed the emotions to flood out of him. He was determined to make this the last time he ever cried over Kwon Jiyong.

The morning of the last day of the groups resting period Seungri woke up feeling different. As if he had something lodged in his body but it was finally free. Going around Seungri closed all the windows and made sure things were locked up before getting in his car and heading back to the city.

Getting off the elevator Seungri was answering some actual work emails as he walked towards the door to his apartment that he didn’t notice someone was waiting for him. Looking up Seungri was surprised to see Mino standing at his door with two cups of coffee.

 

“Hi.” Mino said in chipper voice.

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I had called your sister when you weren’t answering my calls yesterday. She said you were fine and would call me when you came back home. She called me a little bit ago and said that you were on your way back here, so I should hurry up and get over here. So here I am.”

 

Seungri smiled as he unlocked the door and held it open for Mino. Clearly his sister must have logged into the villa’s security system and saw that Seungri was there. How else would she know that he was on his way home? Once inside Mino handed Seungri a cup of coffee before heading to the couch to sit down.

 

“So how is everything?” Mino asked as he sipped on his coffee.

“Good, everything is good.” Seungri replied as he too made his way to the couch.

“I heard about the concert.”

“I am fine Mino, I swear.”

“You know I might not have known you as long as the other members, but I am not stupid. I catch on to things quickly. Like how when you lie or try to hide things your pinky will twitch ever so slightly.” Mino sipped on his coffee as he raised his eyebrow daring Seungri to deny it, which he could not.

“Mino can we not, I finally fill a bit of peace in the whole matter and I don’t want to stir things up again.” Seungri sat his coffee cup on the table to the side of the couch before turning to Mino.

“I won’t say anything, that is unless you are hurt. I won’t sit by and watch you be hurt anymore. I only want you to be happy. Let me help you be happy.” Mino pleaded as he reached for Seungri’s hand taking it in his.

 

Seungri was lost for words, he wasn’t entirely sure what Mino meant by what he said. All he could do was smile and nod his head. It was time for him to start living his life again.

The next day as the group was supposed to set out for their next stop on the tour the manager received a message from Seungri saying he was going to find his own way. The other members were surprised when the van started driving off without their maknae.

 

“We are missing a member, I don’t think we should be leaving.” Youngbae said from his seat.

“The maknae is meeting us there.” Was the reply from the front seat.

“What is the maknae thinking? He never does this, was he out drinking the whole time?” Jiyong asked as he turned towards the other members. Seungri always rode with the group, there was something off and Jiyong wasn’t sure what was going through the maknae’s mind.

 

Seunghyun grabbed his phone from the side of chair and sent a text asking if he was ok or if he was drunk. Seungri’s reply was instant, that he was already on his way to the hotel and that he was very much sober. With little to be done Seunghyun sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. Daesung who sat next to him patted his knee, he too was worried about the maknae, but he had to have faith that things would turn out alright in the end.

When the members arrived at the hotel they made their way inside but stopped when they reached the atrium that sat inside the hotel. There sitting at a table with a glass of orange juice was their maknae laughing and smiling ear to ear. Seunghyun pushed passed the stunned members and marched right up to Seungri.

 

“Yah maknae what do you think you are doing worrying us.” Seunghyun asked as he turned Seungri to face him in his chair.

“Hyung I told you I was fine and that I would meet you all here.”

“Hyung please don’t be mad at Seungri it was my idea.” Mino said as he was surprised that the eldest member would be acting this way.

“Next time if one of you two could please just let me know what is going on instead of being so secretive.” Seunghyun stood back and allowed Seungri to stand before pulling him into a hug. “I worry about you, but I guess maybe I won’t have to worry as much anymore?”

“I am much better, please let’s move on.” Seungri said into Seunghyun’s shoulder.

 

Seunghyun released Seungri so that he could pull Mino into a one-sided hug. Jiyong walked up to the three men and he too started demanding to know what was going on with Seungri.

 

“Hyung I am here, and I am not drunk. You don’t need to worry about me. I am a big boy and I know what my responsibilities are.” Seungri grabbed his orange juice and Mino’s hand before walking passed Jiyong and towards the elevator.

 

Jiyong watched Seungri walk away hand in hand with Mino and was stunned. Seungri was acting like how he was when he was younger, as if nothing mattered except what he wanted. Jiyong hated how hard it was to tame Seungri back then, now the maknae was older and stronger. He was more confident and wouldn’t be able to be molded like he once was. Crossing his arms Jiyong started to wonder if the return of this Seungri was due to the influence of the younger man. The last thing Jiyong wanted to deal with was a zero fucks to give Seungri. Things were going to get difficult if Seungri kept on this route, Jiyong was now stuck trying to think of ways to detach Mino from Seungri’s side.


End file.
